my mum has died

[CoffeeDog]

My mum died last thursday . I have no idea what to do ;-(

Despite her being obsessed with lists she didn't leave any instructions for her funeral other than don't let your dad spend. Fortune - I won't need it

My dad is not doing well mum did everything for him money wise and He has mu clue about anything . I have a twin sister who has had her girlfriend at mums house cleaning and going through her things ( we dosnt know she was even gay ) my dad just let's her as she has a bit of a temper and He dosnt want her to get cross.

We also have a older brother with serve learning difficulties acnd who knows how He is coping when we all went to his home ( He lives on residential care) He listened when we said mums gone to heaven then spent ten minutes talking about his new eclectic toothbrush + He has been hone this weekend and keeps asking if mums gone shopping on her wheelchair and if she has taken her tablets .

We are going to funeral directors tomorrow and I have left a message for the vicar to call me - will the church let us have a memorial there if she never went ( she had mobility problems) and I don't go.as often as I should ????

I am just so lost my Lovley dh has take a week off and is looking after the kids for me as I don't want to leave my dad alone ... mum always use to say we would have to watch him.in case He tried to top himself......

Sorry for your loss CoffeeDog - I remember your other thread.

If you Mum's funeral hasn't been held yet, I think it is probably too soon for anyone to be going through her things, let alone someone the family barely knows (your sister's friend). There will be things of sentimental value to you and your Dad that they may throw out. I'm also thinking that they may take things of monetary value without consulting the rest of the family.

The funeral director will keep you straight about what is possible in terms of a church service. Did your Mum say if she wanted to be buried or cremated? - that is the kind of basic stuff he will need to know.

What makes a funeral memorable is the personal touches. Try to think of poems, readings, hymns or music that would be appropriate for your Mum. At most funerals I have been to, someone from the family or a close friend gets up to say a few words about the person - is there someone who could do that?

With regard to your brother, speak to the staff at the residential home about helping him to accept that your Mum has died - they will have experience of this situation I'm sure.

I hope you manage to give your Mum a good send off - this will help with the grieving process.

Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry you have lost your mum.

I agree with Story. Slow down. It's too early for someone to be going through your mums stuff.

The funeral director will be able to guide you through this difficult time.

Take your time to grieve and be kind to yourself.
Sending you a hug

I know it just feals too soon to be going through her stuff - especially as my sister has just introduced her as her girlfriend (after mum died but she didnt 'come out' before i just asked if she was her girlfriend and she said yes...) - she cleaned the bathroom and threw out all mums special conditioner and bath stuff, all the syuff that smelled like my mum :(

and has just been chucking any of her clothes in bin bags etc.... dad is upset but not saying anything as he dosnt want to upset my sister.

Sisters girlfriend is polish - not sure if thats just what they do there? or if she is trying to be helpfull she seems very nice - but its weird walking into rooms and finding her there, when all i want to do is have a cry somone in peace.

I think you need to get your sister and her girlfriend to slow down, clearing the bathroom was probably a good idea but they need to leave the clothes and other personal stuff. I know I felt I had to DO something when I was in this place, but I confined it to taking the bed that had been set up downstairs for him (my dad) to pieces and storing it away. We had a long session all together after the funeral with binbags for clothes and so on. I think your sister's girlfriend is trying to be helpful, but needs to understand that you need a bit of space just now.