My sister

[ShushBaby]

I feel daft posting. There is nothing to be done about how I feel, but you know you get those days where you just sit listlessly at work and can't concentrate... and I just wanted to write it down.

My sister died nearly 8 years ago (in an accident, she was 16, I was in my 20s), and although life is so so much better and easier now than it was in the first years, and I feel so much better, and have my daughter and another baby on the way, and a full life etc... I keep getting this feeling that something right at my core is just shredded and broken and raw, and it always will be.

I miss her. I miss her, I miss her. I adored her.

She did her GCSEs and never got the chance to pick up the bloody results.

That's all. Crying now.

oh love....sooths shushs hair and hugs close.

I couldnt read your post and not write something back, losing someone so close is extermely hard especially when they are so young and full of promise.

Grief isthere for a reason, we shouldnt bottle it up, so have a day today for remembering your sister and missing her dearly.

I'm so sorry Shush. More hugs for you xxx

You're not daft. I lost my closest friend in 2005 and every now and then I'm poleaxed by emotion.

Thank you for your kind replies.

Yes sometimes you just have to give in to it, don't you? It's a relief in a weird way, as I have learned to function with that raw place locked away

She feels so far away. She was so special, beautiful and unique. I feel sad about stupid things- like, she loved gadgets, but never knew what an ipod was, or an ipad.

No not really everlong. Well actually I did, but he was a bit mental and told me that I 'really should be over it' (this was a year or so after she died!). I didn't take it to heart- he wore a belt with a scorpion suspended in amber on it, fgs, and had a huge portrait of himself on the wall- if anything he provided light relief. I felt like my sister had sent him as a joke. Needless to say I stopped going after a couple of sessions.

I do sometimes wonder if it would be a good idea to have counselling. But I can't help but think that after all this time, I've come as far as I'm ever going to come in terms of my grief. Generally I'm ok, and there's a certain amount of sadness that can't and shouldn't heal, because she can never come back... Perhaps that's not healthy?

Not much use to you today, but have a big hug.

My aunt said today that it's coming up 20 years since my Nanna died. How can that be? Surely it was only five minutes ago.

Maybe go and he some more counselling but I don't think It ever really leaves you, you just adjust to carry on. X

Shush, do you ever talk about your sister to anyone else who has memories of her?
Would it help to call someone (mum, aunt, cousin friend or whatever) and tell them you're thinking about SIS and do they fancy coming round for coffee to chat about her, flick through photo albums and take a trip down memory lane?
Might not be what you need right now, but I know that whenever I am feeling low about missing my mum, I resent that no-one else seems to care enough about her to want to even mention her name. [Sad]

My sister died eight years ago too, aged 38. I still miss her and think about her all the time. It has got easier over time but it never goes away completely. Different things trigger me to think about her - a particular song, a food she liked, seeing the same make of car she had. I have learned to welcome the thoughts of her and take it as an opportunity to remember some of the good times we had. I don't think I will ever really get over it but that's because of how much I loved her, if I didn't care then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Keep remembering the good times and the love and it helps to make the times you think about her a bit more positive.

Thank you so much everyone. I am so sorry for your losses- it isn't fair!

I called my dad for a weep, and then luckily I was meeting with my brother and sister for an early dinner after work.

Counselling is something I've shied away from... but I may reconsider it, if only so I can talk about my sister and my loss, something that I can't do with many people beyond my immediate family, these days.