To those who have lost a parent/parents

[cotswolds84]

Do you ever resent your in-laws? I know I shouldn't but I just feel so sad. For example we have always taken Mil out of Mother's Day. I very rarely got to do that with my mum and of course now won't get the opportunity. Ds's birthday coming up and MIL seems to have invited herself along to Birthday Meal. She is just so lucky to have these opportunities.
If I am like this now what will I be like when my baby is born in August?
Of course I am grateful that my dc still have a loving grandparent in their lives and would never do anything to jeopardise (sp) this but inside I feel so sad.
Dh doesn't help by saying why don't you take the kids away with my mum in August. He just doesn't get it.

I was thinking of starting a thread like this the other week after we got back from a trip to the inlaws. For the most part they are fine, but I think at the moment my MIL clearly favours DD1 ((4yo blonde, cute, confident chatty etc) and treats DD2 very differently (nearly 2, quite shy and takes a long time to come round to new people). Nothing explicit but it just felt she wasn't prepared to put in the effort with DD2 to try to get to know her better, but was endlessly playing with and praising DD1.

It actually quite upset me because I just couldn't help thinking my mum wouldn't have treated her granddaughter like that. And I feel quite bitter that MIL has the opportunity to see them while my mum never met any of her grandchildren.

My dad is quite elderly and not very involved with the kids, so the inlaws are the only real chance my DDs have to have a relationship with their grandparents. I just feel really sad for DD2 and it also makes me miss my mum a lot more, imagining what a fab grandma she would have been

I was thinking of starting a thread like this the other week after we got back from a trip to the inlaws. For the most part they are fine, but I think at the moment my MIL clearly favours DD1 ((4yo blonde, cute, confident chatty etc) and treats DD2 very differently (nearly 2, quite shy and takes a long time to come round to new people). Nothing explicit but it just felt she wasn't prepared to put in the effort with DD2 to try to get to know her better, but was endlessly playing with and praising DD1.

It actually quite upset me because I just couldn't help thinking my mum wouldn't have treated her granddaughter like that. And I feel quite bitter that MIL has the opportunity to see them while my mum never met any of her grandchildren.

My dad is quite elderly and not very involved with the kids, so the inlaws are the only real chance my DDs have to have a relationship with their grandparents. I just feel really sad for DD2 and it also makes me miss my mum a lot more, imagining what a fab grandma she would have been

Its weird you should say that as my Mil clearly favours my oldest too. It breaks my heart for my ds.

I do know exactly what you mean. My Mum died in February. She was a really loving cuddly Granny to my dd(8). There were toys at their house, little presents by the side of her bed when we went to stay and marshmallow cones in the larder every visit.

Visiting my MIL is like staying with a stranger who just doesn't make an effort, everything is about what she likes, no allowances made for the needs/wants of a little girl We went to stay over Easter and I really struggled not to cry the whole time. There were no cuddles or special treats for dd, who is really missing her Granny

I can't imagine ever going to MILs without dh!

Yes, I resented my MIL big time for a while after my mum died. Actually no, I didnt resent her but I didnt want to spend any time with her!

Sadly she has died now as well so DH and I only have one parent between us! I feel very very sad and cheated that my DS only has one grandparent at the age of 9 but hey thats life!

My 2 are the same. They never knew grandfathers and lost a grandmother at 4 and 6. Life is hard sometimes.
So many people with losses. Sympathy to all.

Same here. Only my dad is still alive and DS (nearly 2) never got to meet either of his grand mothers. I had all four of my grandparents until well into my teenage years and they played such a big part of my childhood. I often get sad that DS just won't have the same experience...

I am jellous of dh family He has still has his mum she is 25 years younger than my mum was and Gus dad Nd step mum He also has his nan and grandad as well as step grandparents.

They have all welcomed me into their family and they do try its just not the same .... I am just so lucky my children will grow up with lots of people who will love and spoil them and just grab them for a hug ;-)

I do, in a way. My father died as a result of negligence (long story, but his GP was reprimanded for fobbing him off for 10 years for what transpired was cancer, leaving him to die an agonising and slow death).

My parents had both always looked after their health, were very active and did a lot of volunteering in their community. By contrast, my OH's parents eat crap, smoke (in his case, only stopping when he got a serious heart condition as a result a couple of years ago), and sit around all day watching telly.

It annoys me sometimes as it seems to me like they are wasting their lives and health- but I do recognise that a)it's their choice and b)'them's the breaks'.

Yes, my relationship with my MIL changed after my mum died. It's not her fault, but I just feel so jealous of DH. We were quite close before but now we are more distant.

Me too. I have been feeling bad about this too. Found Christmas especially hard being with in-laws.

I have the opposite problem, I just wish DMIL was still alive because she'd always be on the phone and interested in what the DDs are doing and my parents just aren't.

Me too. My dad died 7 1/2 years ago and my mum 3 years ago this month.
I feel so sad for my youngest two children (aged 5 and 3) as they don't have what my eldest two (now 19 and 16) have.
My mum adored her granchildren but sadly died when DC4 was a few months old and sadly she never met him as we lived abroad and he was born there. She died just weeks before we were returning to the UK so she could meet him DH's parents just have no interest. They don't bother sending the kids presents or cards for their birthdays/christmas and on the majority of occasions I've suggested we visit they have no interest. Am so very sad for my youngest not having (proper) grandparents. DH did finally take the kids up a few weeks ago but I couldn't go, I just couldn't face seeing his (miserable) parents with my babies. My mum would have walked over broken glass just to see them.

My relationship with the inlaws changed for the better for a while after I lost my mum but their subsequent behaviour, which is unrelated, has really damaged my relationship with them. My Dad also died a couple of years ago and while I don't feel it is unfair they are alive while my parents are not it does irritate me hugely when they moan, bitch, don't look after their health and don't fully enjoy their lives when my parents did not get the chance to enjoy retirement. I manage not to tell them this to their faces although it is tempting!

I don't think resent is the word, but spending time with her does hurt, especially seeing her with DS (who mum never got to meet)