ectopic pregnancy, long!

[jco]

One saturday evening in june last year I was experiencing agonising abdominal pains, it got so bad that my boyfriend (now ex) called for an ambulance. I was taken straight to hospital and after a number of tests the doctors discovered that I was pregnant. By this time the pain had subsided. I was given an ultra sound scan but no pregnancy could be seen in my uterus and so they decided to send me home. For the next two weeks I had to attend hospital every two days to have blood tests which revealed that I was still pregnant but the doctors did nothing, prefering to take a 'wait and see' approach. This attitude nearly cost me my life.

Two weeks after it all began I was again rushed to hospital with extreme adominal pains. upon my arrival the doctor took one look at me and decided to operate and so I was taken straight to theatre. When I awoke from surgery I was told that the pregnancy had indeed been ectopic and had ruptured my left tube causing massive internal bleeding. Later a nurse told me that if I had not arrived at hospital when I did I may well not be here today.

by bf and i seperated not long after this because i felt he offered me little support during a very difficult period of my life

months have gone by and things have slowly got back to normal, although i have not completely got over it time really has proved a great healer.

Because of the negligent way i was treated in the hospital i decided to make a formal comlaint and requested to see my medical records. This was months ago and to be honest i'd not thought much about it. Then this morning, completely out of the blue i received a copy of my medical records in the post. i sat and read them and found myself right back there, almost reliving the whole traumatic experience. Just seeing it there in writing, how close i was to dying, it really has knocked me for six. All the feelings i had at the time just came flooding bag, the pain, the hurt, the great sadness at losing my baby. I haven't been able to stop crying since.

sorry for such a long post, just really needed to talk to somebody

I'm sorry that I don't know much about ectopic pg, I'm sorry that it has all been so hard some how seeing it in black and white is such a shock and the danger you were in

I hated seeing para 1 + 1 on my pg notes after my miscarriage, it made the one healthy pg followed by a miscarriage so real.

((((((hugs)))))

I just wanted to send my good wishes and positivity and (((((((hugs)))))))) to you. My sister went through a traumatic ectopic following extensive Ivf, and she also lost her baby. I just want you to know there are others out there, and although it doesnt ease the pain, it might just help you to know you are not alone.
My sister is a strong advocate of the "one door closes and another one opens" school of thought, but nothing, absolutly nothing, could have prepared her for the grief of going through this. Please dont be hard on yourself, allow yourself to grieve again if thats what you need to do, yes its a shock having it all opened up again, but old wounds do heal, and you will be able to continue again in the future.
I wish you good luck and happiness
pusscatmomma x x x

So sorry to hear about your loss and the trauma you suffered because of incompetent doctors. You're allowed to feel sad and you're entitled to feel angry too. Let yourself grieve, you will always remember your baby. I am so sorry you were treated so crappily in hospital. Love and good wishes being sent out to you.

thanks for your replies and kind words. Its all just happened at the worst time because i would have been due to have my baby around this time. I knew this would be a bad time but i didn't think it would affect me quite as much as it has. It hurts so much, i long for my baby to be here with me. I would give anything just to have a chance to see my baby, hold it in my arms, know wether it was a girl or a boy and what it looked liked. i know it sounds daft as i only knew i was pregnant for a few weeks but the minute i knew, i bonded with my tiny little baby, not having her here with me has left this big gapping hole in my heart, one i don't know if will ever heal

Jco i am so very sorry for what you have been through and my heart goes out to you. I suffered an ectopic dec 05 and i also had a wait and see thing going on with hospital. So i can totally empathise. I think you will allways remember but time helps a lot. You will get lots of support here, people are very kind and understanding. Good luck for the future

It's not daft at all. I lost my baby 2 and a half years ago at 13 weeks and I had so much love for her from the second I knew I was pregnant. She would have been due February 2 years ago and I will always spend this time remembering her. I have a little ritual I do which helps. Just because you knew for such a short time does not mean that you were not his/her mother and loved her. You are allowed to grieve. xxx

Hi jco, first time on here, so sorry for what you have been thru. three and a half years ago my 12 wk early baby boy died at 5 wks old. i thought i would die too, to be honest i wanted to. the pain was so great. i had misc at 12 wks then ectopic at 6 wks very similar to your dreadful experience. you will feel better love give it time, cry when you need to be kind to yourself and dont ever give up hope. i finally after a terryfying but normal pregnancy have a beautiful 9 month old baby boy. big hugs to you xx

Jco so sorry about they way this was handled
You should never have been sent home - they should have done blood tests to check your hcg levels which would be a good indictor of an ectopic.
I also had an ambulance ride and major abdo surgery and tube removal due to an ectopic in 2004 - was also told that I was an hour a way from serious risk of dying due to internal bleeding.
It is a very hard thing to come to terms with the fact that your could have been dealt with so much more profesionally, makes the mind boggle.
I really hope you get some answers and some apologies from your hospital. Keep pressing, diagnosing an ectopic is something any A+E doctor should be able to manage with the back up of Obs and Gyn, you were severely let down IMHO
I was operated on before they offically dx'd the ectopic as they were sure and I was sure.
If they had waited well...

I am welling up reading this thread! I had an ectopic back in Feb 04 - they didn't pick it up with me for a few weeks either. Was horribly traumatic, and made even more difficult by the fact that most people didn't see it as losing a baby as it was only a tiny embryo. It still hurts so much though. If it's any comfort to you, when we started trying to conceive again three months later I got pregnant again straight away (despite only having one fallopian tube!) and now have a healthy 10 month old daughter.

Well done to you for making a formal complaint to the hospital - I never got round to it, and do regret it. Take comfort from the fact that by putting yourself through this again, you will be helping to improve treatment of ectopic pregnancy in future and reduce the number of women who also have to suffer because of ignorance of this condition.

JCO - just wanted offer my support and to say although I haven't had ectopic before I have had mc. I understand your loss and this is a difficult time for you particularly having the notes arrive to remind you of the details. I hope you find some strength to handle your grief to make this more manageable.

{{{hugs}}} xx

Thats the hardest thing, you're expected to be relieved that you are still alive, so they give you no advice on dealing with the pain of losing a much wanted baby, certainly in our case, we had been trying for no3 for 2 yrs, and are still trying now
It is heartbreaking a demoralising
Have you tried the ectopic trust jco?
here is a link
ectopic trust

I'm so sorry jco.I had an ectopic after years of infertlity & it is still the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

I was lucky & went on to have my 2 girls afterwards,but still miss the baby I should have had.

I second Piffle in reccomending The Ectopic Pregnancy Tust.They are fab & can advise you if you do decide to make a formal complaint & also offer fantastic support regardless.I wouldn't have got through my experience without them.

Hugs to you.

Thank you for all the replies. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you its just that i'm finding it hard to find the words at the moment.

Its so nice to read post's from you because you all obviously understand how i'm feeling. A lot of people don't understand, they act as though because my baby was never born it never really existed and so doesn't matter. Even the people who were supportive when it first happened seem to think i should be over it now.

I've been so low that i couldn't even go into work yesterday afternoon because i couldn't get myself together enough to get out of the door, just lay on the couch all day crying.

For those of you who have experienced a loss too, i really am so very sorry from the bottom of my heart. sending you all big hugs xxxxxx