I think Mil is going to die and don't know what to do :(

[Memoo]

Mil is 76 and has had emphysema for years. She has had oxygen at home 24/7 for the last few years but has generally been in really goods spirits despite repeat chest infections.

She deteriated about 4 weeks ago and has been in hospital ever since.

She was a strong, feisty Geordie woman who nothing could beat but I fear she had lost the will to live.

She is not eating, is doubley incontinent, she has bed sores but refuses to be turned and won't even get out of bed for the physios.

She has last night been transferred to the respitory ward and is now on an iron lung type thing.

Fil is in complete denial as is dh. The kids are distraught. Mil is refusing to see most people.

I don't know how to keep everyone together. Plus they're in Leeds and we're in Warrington so it's hard to just pop over.

I feel sick with worry but seriously don't know what I should be doing. Do I try and get dh to accept she is probably going to pass or do I go along with his attitude that she could get better?

Sorry, I should have said. Hospital have said there is nothing else they can do for her. Fil is looking into homes. :(

sorry to hear you are all going through this. End of life is often not how we would choose.

I think sometimes people cope by denying the obvious - anyone involved must in their heart know she has had enough.

Not much you can do apart from be there when the time comes.

Memoo, no-one wants to think their loved one is going to die and it won't go down well if you appear to be too hopeless and negative as they will no doubt be praying for a miracle. Just be a listening ear and try to offer practical help when the time comes.

Thanks both for replying.

I will make sure that I remain upbeat and positive for dh. It's just so sad :(

We have been going over every other day but she doesn't want us to come.

I just wish I could take away her pain. She wants to go and it seems so cruel that she has no choice and has to spend her last weeks suffering so much.

I'm also really worried that when the time comes we won't get there in time. Yesterday the weather was so bad up over the Pennines that they shut the motorway and we couldn't get there. We had to turn round and come home in the end.

Memoo, the weather will have to pick up, it's April! I do hope you get to see her soon.