My father killed himself and I feel so guilty

[soguilty]

I am a regular poster (although not in this forum) and I have namechanged for this. If anyone has encountered suicide or finds it upsetting then maybe you should avoid this thread.

A few weeks ago my father took his own life. We hadnt been in touch for about 7 years. To cut a long story short, he left my Mum, was sporadic on contact and maintence and overall was a bad husband but not too bad a dad in the early years but quite neglectful and difficult later on.

His life had desceneded into a total mess with alcohol and he had a nasty side, and I just couldnt deal with this so I cut him off. Funnily enough he walked past me and my children 2 years ago, I stopped to say hello but he continued to walk by. Recently we have passed on the street and ignored each other.

He lived with different women over the years but recently was on his own and struggling and the guilt over the fact that I didnt help him is killing me. He was hanging from a tree for 5 days.
I dont know what I am expecting to get from posting this but I just needed to share this. Maybe counselling is a good idea, I really dont know.

soguilty it is normal to feel guilty, and to have mixed feelings about it all. I know/knew by the time she died that we were never going to have a 'normal' parent-child relationship, but it doesn't mean you can't still grieve for what you have lost.

Don't feel obliged to tell everyone the whole truth if you don't want to, it is your story to share or not as you wish. I have often glossed over it when the details would be inappropriate - not lied, just not told the whole truth.

i am so sorry to hear about your father :( and how awful noone found him for 5 days

suicide is often a taboo subject and people often dont know what to say or do compared to illness/accident

often people who kill theirselves suffer from depression tho obv not all, and their state of mind is not like others - but it is a proven fact that those who hang theirselves are 99% suffering from depression (not that this helps)

my dh suffered from depression and hung his self april 2011- a year in 2 weeks :( and although we were in love, i felt awful guilt - infact i still do - in that i didnt do everything i possibly could to help him- but i know deep down i did

suicide makes people feel they could have done more but through counselling (cruse) and and amazing friends and their support, i am at peace at what mark did

to be blunt hanging is the only final way to committ suicide- which means your dad wanted to die and there is NOTHING that anyone esp you as you didnt have contact with him, could have done

personally i found sobs unhelpful as everyone there didnt want to accept the fact that their loved ones CHOSE to die and until they/you do then you wont be at peace

this was meant to be helpful, hope i didnt offend x

blondes I am so sorry about your husband and of course I am not offended. I didnt realise that hanging is viewed that way. I am sure he was depressed, his life had descended into a terrible place and I know he wanted to die. I am just so sad that I and no one else did anything to prevent it. Maybe we couldnt have done anything but the terrible thing with suicide is that we will never know.

tbh i really feel due to the circumstances of your fathers death,that there was NOTHING anyone could have done

hanging is quick and no return - if he wanted help then he would have possibly popped some pills or slashed wrists - these are cries for help

please dont beat yourself up and def get counselling,as i said i found cruse fab but didnt with sobs x

So sorry for your loss.

I have had nearly the same experience with my dad in life. He was there until I was 3 and then sporadically and then not at all. I have cut him off in the last few years due to the fact that I have children now and its a hell of a lot less stressful not having to worry about the emotional shit. I too have had my dad walk past me in the street recently.

I often wonder how I'd feel if something happened to him, as I supose its something I should factor in to my choice. I have no idea how is deal with it. I like to think I would feel as indifferent as I do now. Truth is, you don't know how you will react until it happens.

I really admire the way you are dealing with it. Especially as it happened in such an awful way. Get counselling for sure - I always feel its so much better to get feelings put. I've done it on here more than a few times! It's hard to talk to the people closest to you. I find with dh that although he is loving and listens, that I feel bad for rehashing the same feelings until they make sense.

Might be a long road, but you sound strong and sorted. Wishing you love and happiness and peace.