If you have lost a DC, how would you feel about one of their friends contacting you years later to say he wasn't forgotten?

[Bartiimaeus]

It's in the title really. A friend committed suicide 12 years ago when we were teenagers. I didn't live in the same town and after the funeral etc. didn't keep touch with his family to my shame I couldn't cope with seeing their grief.

Now I'm older and I think a lot about my friend and I was thinking of just letting his parents know that he isn't forgotten. Would you appreciate this? Or would it be better just to let them live in peace?

An added complication is I'd have to try and find them as they may have moved and I can't even remember their old address .

Sorry for your losses.

I think it would be a lovely gesture, no one wants their child to be forgotten xx

A deceased friend of mines parents have kept her FB page open and comments are still added by friends when we think of her. I personally think it is lovely

I am sure his parents would be touched.

I am sure that my parents would be very happy to hear from my brother's friends - I think it's a really lovely idea

I'm sure they would appreciate it. My friend was killed in a car accident 17 years ago and I still visit his grave a couple of times a year and leave a plant and sometimes a note which I hope his parents appreciate too. I don't know where they live now so would not be able to contact them.

My ds died 12 years ago and if someone he knew got in touch to say that they still thought of him sometimes I would be very touched.

When I was about 22 I returned to visit a town in France where I had lived as a student and phoned my friend's parents...I had no idea he had committed suicide exactly a year ago that day! They were actually holding a gathering of his friends and family that day and invited me along. I felt awful - too young to handle the discomfort and sadness of it - and didn't go. I hadn't known him all that well but I had met his parents and had dinner with them.

I think they certainly valued continued contact with his friends, though. I would definitely contact your friend's parents.

I would be very touched at anyone letting me know my dd wasn't forgotten.

I think it is a lovely idea to know that people were still thinking of their DC. I have been trying to decide whether or not to contact my ex DB mother to say how much he is still in my thoughts. He died over 30 yrs ago (in a car crash) We had been together for a year, but I had finished the relationship a couple of months before he died. I was 18 and wanted more freedom - ha. He was a lovely guy who thought the world of me. I have never forgotten him and was completely devastated.

i think anyone who has lost someone whether a child/ husband (as i have) sibling would be very touched to receive a letter/card saying something

yes it may make me cry but means he is still loved and remembered x

I think it would be a lovely, LOVELY thing to do.

Thanks everyone. Will do my Best to find them

My beautiful DS died @13 years 8years ago. I find when I go into school about his siblings every member of staff talks about him and it makes me so uplifted so yes please do it.Bless you.

it's kind,and touching
it would be appreciated imo

My closest childhood friend died when we were twelve. My mother has kept in touch with her parents and I invited them to my evening reception when I married 3 years ago. I made sure they knew that H was often remembered.

Op, thank you for starting this thread, you have inspired me to get in touch with the parents of a friend of mine who commited suicide a few years ago. I think about het all the time.

We invited the parents of our friend who died of cancer while we were at university to our wedding. It felt like the right thing to do at the time.

They sent quite a long letter back explaining that it would be too painful to see all of his friends being happy when he didn't get to do that . We felt awful about it. I still do, actually. I so hope that they understood why we invited them.

We're still in touch on fb and they do like to talk about him, so I think your idea is lovely.

I haven't lost a dc (thank God) but lost my sister and parents all 9 and 10 years ago. I love it when someone mentions them or talks to me about any of them. Yes, sometimes I fill up, but everytime I'm really pleased to know that so many other people are thinking of them too. Definitely do it.

I have never looked in Bereavement, and don't know what made me look tonight- am so glad I did. Am going to get in touch with the parents of a schoolfriend who died twenty years ago. I think of him very often - he really inspired me.