I can't do this anymore

[fedupandtired]

My dear mum died on 28th Jan after a short battle with cancer. Just when I think I'm doing okay it kinda hits me that she's gone and I fall to pieces. Right now I just can't accept that she's gone and that I'm never going to see her again, I just can't.

Wherever she is, I want to be with her. She was so frightened before she died and I need to know that she's no longer scared. She wasn't religious and neither am I but I can't help thinking "what if there is something and she's out there somewhere".

I have a husband and two lovely children but I just want/need to be with her. Of course I'm not going to act on the thoughts but they're there all the same.

I miss her so much.

I'm not going to be any help really other than offering huge sympathy- I am so, so sorry for you and just hope you get through this sad time. So, so sorry. xx

Thank you bramblina x

I'm so sorry that you lost your mum.

That 'what if' thought worries me too, when I think about losing someone. But would it help to think that if there was something/somewhere else, then all the other people she loved and lost would be there too - her own mum, or someone else.

Wishing you strength x

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your dear mum. Have you considered grief counselling?

Thank you dearprudence.

I like to think she's with my nan, who only died 3 years ago. Even though she was only ill for a short time during the last week she'd given up and was saying she just wanted to be with her mum. I so hope that she is with her.

Be kind to yourself, 2 months is not long. Access some grief councelling if you can - cruise offer a service. Also if your mum had any input from palliative care services, they maybe able to help you access a councellor.

Remember, there is no 'normal' reaction to grief, everyone is affected in an individual way. Sorry for your loss.

My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is and how unfair it is to lose your Mum too soon.
All i can say is to keep talking and give yourself time to grieve, seems very inadequate advice.

Thank you iliketea.

I had thought about bereavement counselling after I was particularly down but then I picked up and thought I didn't need it. Now I'm back down again (have bipolar disorder so very up and down at the moment) and I'm really struggling.

She was in a hospice right from when she was told it was terminal (only two weeks after initial diagnosis) and they do offer a counselling service. As I said though, I was going to call them but then seemed okay.

I remember felling that way, just take one day at a time, it will get easier. please know that whatever your beliefs your lovely mum is at peace now.

Access the service at the hospice and they will be able to tell you if it is too soon for counselling and advise when it would be suitable. It may also be useful that they knew your mum, so can help you through your feelings about her last days, and discuss how her symptoms were managed, if you found that useful.

Also, the hospice closest to me offers things for children - like creating memory books etc, that may be therapeutic and help you and your dcs to remember your mum.

So sorry for your loss fedup - it's such a shock when they arent ill for long. My mum died 4 weeks to the day after she was disgnosed with lung cancer. She never spoke about it to me (god I wish she had), she never said how she was feeling but once she came home from the hospice she seemed to give up.

Your mum is at peace and not suffering anymore, I know its hard but try and take some comfort in that. Its very early days for you yet honey but you will get there xx