Hi everyone,
I am looking for some advance advice on how to deal with an upcoming situation at Easter time.
Quick background :-I met my widower BF in May 2011. He has two teenage children whom I get on very well with. Things are progressing steadily and going very well on the whole ? I take the kids shopping , we are all going away on two holidays together this year ( 1 big holiday & 1 long weekend) and various other changes all for the better & all to enable me becoming more integrated - so you see it?s pretty healthy, without rushing but progressing nicely & there is a longer term plan for me to move in and then get our own home over the next year or so.
My need for advice is that we go away on holiday this weekend together for 4 days and after this the children are going to stay with their maternal Grandparents & the LW's siblings. Then we are collecting them over the Easter weekend. The Grandparents have invited me to come & stay over that weekend and my BF has wanted this too. They came & stayed over Christmas so I have already spent some time with them & they are very lovely people. The aunts & uncles however, have not always found our new relationship easy to accept ? although I believe they do try to put on a brave face and I get that completely, I?m sure I would be the same if it were my sister. ( LW passed away 2 years ago) Despite knowing that they are all doing their best to welcome me to the family home (I am sure they quite rightly really want to ensure that they stay close to the grandchildren etc) I have some reservations about what to expect and feeling increasingly nervous!! I do understand that the LW will be mentioned on occasions and these are lovely people that are still grieving for her, so I appreciate all that brings- there will be many photos I gather and other mementos . But I would still like to go there and not feel too much of an outsider or interloper. My BF has explained to them that I feel a bit nervous & they said they really will try & make me feel comfortable ? but that could be easier said than done and I am sure somehow I will put my foot in it! I know the stock answer is just to be yourself ? but in this fairly unique situation I am hoping that someone somewhere has some Do?s & Don?ts without undermining my importance as the new partner.... Of course my close friends try to help but they do hold their hands up & say ? crikey I?m not sure how I would deal with that? or ? just don?t go?. I think that by not going would not help inter ?relations as they are offering the olive branch & I need to accept this graciously but do not want to feel 2nd best or equally to make all of them uncomfortable either! As you see it is probably difficult for us all.
Has anyone been there & done this & got the Tshirt ??? Lots of thanks in advance