I dont feel I am coping very well with my emotions

[myflabberisgasted]

Hi All,

My mum passed away almost 2 years ago and a few days later my DS was born.

I feel like I have never really given myself enough time to grieve properly. I was always busy with my DS (as you are with a newborn!) and then I felt like the time had "passed" for me to let it all out IYSWIM.

I feel like most days I am "fine" and then the odd day I feel really down but never really let myself go and just cry, which is what I need really.

I feel like I haven't given my mum the grief she deserves as she was such a lovely woman and I feel like I have let her down in a way as I seem to have just carried on as normal.

I dont really know why I am posting TBH, i just need to let it all out.
Thanks for listening xx

But your mum wouldn't want you to grieve, would she? She would want you to get on with you life, be a good mum and maybe think of her once in a while with a smile, take some flowers to the grave, donate to charity in her name...

It is so sad that she passed before meeting your little one, but maybe she stayed around long enough in spirit? After my mum died, I met someone (in another context) who was 'in contact'. He told me that she had recently died (I hadn't told him) and that she was still hanging around as she had something to do. I asked if she knew that she was dead and he looked at me as if I was stupid 'of course she does, she just has a loose end to tie up'.

She and my sister had had the mother of all bust ups, and unfortunately died very suddenly, so before any reconciliation (which we were all just waiting for as they were the closest in the family).

I like to believe that she is still loitering - sometimes there are strange coincidences around dates, places, objects that feel as if she is still keeping an eye on us all.

There is no pattern to grief. You do what you can to get through it. Your focus is on your family, and therr is no way that your mum wouldn't understand that.

Let yourself have a little cry, say a prayer, light a candle... Whatever you can do to feel close to your mum... And tell her that you love her and miss her every day. Think about something you could. Maybe do in her name - run a race, raise money for the local hospital... We adopted a child abroad through one of those chaities.

Thank You Frontpaw your post was lovely.

You are right, she wouldn't want me to be grieving for her, she'd want me to be happy.
I just feel like I at least owe her a little bit because she was a brilliant mum and always had time for all of us and i feel like I haven't given her any of my time to be upset, if that makes sense.

I am doing race for life later this year in memory of my mum I never thought of it that way, thats how I show her I am thinking of her.

Thank You for your kind words and I am sorry that you are going through this too x

Ah now, don't you realise that you are showing her every day?

Think of the things you do with your child... Do you ever sing a daft song or dance around the supermarket... Just like your mum? That is her legacy and you are passing it down. When the little one gets older, you will have stories to pass down about when you were little and what your mum used to say to you. Even daft things like keeping those penny toffees in the fridge in case someone fell over and grazed their knee. Ok so I now know that it's because they're large and worked as gob stoppers for a small child, but I still do it!

Good luck with the race. My mum would have said 'what on earth are you doing that for? You'll do yourself and injury. Go and have a nice lunch out somewhere and write the charity a cheque.'

I do that all the time, singing silly songs and using phrases that she used to use etc!

I guess I just need to get over my guilt over how i'm coping and just remember that my mum would be happy that I am ok. She'd probably be cross that I am feeling guilty too!

I have a photo of my mum in my living room and I always say to my DS "where's grandma" and he points to the picture. I just want him to know even though his grandma isn't physically here he still has one who loves him very much.