How do you explain a grandparent's terminal illness to a 2yo?

[londontj]

My mum has been battling cancer for many years but it finally appears to have become terminal. Not sure how long we'll have her around but I'm 33 weeks pg and finding it all rather daunting (had a bit of a teary breakdown in paperchase when faced with a wall of mother's day cards).

My biggest worry is how to deal with the whole thing with my dd who's 2.5, very close to my mum and got good language so already picking up on there being something wrong even though dm is at home and sort of doing normal things when we're with her. I've read that you shouldn't make too much of illness leading to death as might make a small nervous when they or others are ill. She knows her grandma has 'a sore tummy' and told me 'she should go to the doctor to make her better' . Breaks my heart whenever she says something like that. I don't know how much to explain or just carry on as normal. Any advice welcome.

Sorry to hear about your mum - mine is at a similar stage although my kids are older (9 and 10).

When my DS was 2-3 our next door neighbour died of a brain tumour. DS was very close to him and used to talk to him most days in the garden. We just talked to DS matter of factly - told him the neighbour was very old and was going to die soon because his body was worn out. DS took it all in his stride - much less upset than we expected (and much less than we were).

We also explained that it was making us sad and sometimes we would cry - it is a way to get them used to the idea without scaring them.

OP so sorry you are having to.deal with this . Unfortunately I have had to deal with this situation both personally and professionally (nanny who looks after pre schoolers). On both professional occasions the children very similar age to yours were told grandad was poorly and doctors were coming into the house to give him medicine to help make his pain go away. Mummy and daddy were sad sometimes but thats ok. We made little pictures and cards so they felt involed. Nothing was mentioned about the inevitable until it actually happened. Then I explained that grandad was poorly and the doctors couldn't find a special medicine to make him better so he went to heaven where he won't have pain any more and thats nice he doesn't have pain isn't it? Everyone is feeling sad as we will all miss grandad, and its ok to cry but, he will be looking down on you always. I know it might sound crazy or maybe even insensitive to you, but, we had to put it in simple 2yr old terms so.as not to scare. My family done the same when we lost both my parents and brother. All children coped remarkably well. Wishing you strength in the coming months OP.

I am so sorry you are having to face losing your Mum at a time when you are preparing for the birth of your second child. It must be very hard for you.
I would agree with the advice above that when the time is right a simple explanation that doctors can't always make sick people better is appropriate. Dying is best explained that the body stops working and avoid any comparison with going to sleep.
A book that explains it well is I miss you: a first look at death by Pat Thomas. I also like No Matter What by Debi Gliori, which explains that love goes on after someone dies. Your two year old sounds quite advanced for her age.
Wishing you strength this Mother's day weekend and over the coming weeks.

Thanks all. I slightly suspect that my dd will deal with it much better than me when the time comes. Will definitely get those books to have around for when we need them. Very sorry to hear about your Mum too, throckenholt.

So sorry you are going through this lonontj

My DD was about 3 when her Great Grandma died. They were very close and it did upset her, but the think which concerned her was that other people were going to die.

We told white lies and said "Mummy and Daddy are not going to leave you" I think at that age you just have to reassure them that they are very safe.

Sorry you are going through this. (you too Throckenholt)

Children are very resilient around death. Much more so than we are, especially when they are so small. Dd was 2 when her Grandad died, and didn't truly bat an eyelid.

Their inate joy of life and innocence will be a great comfort to you. x