What to do about photos of bf's late dh

[GColdtimer]

My bf's dh died 4 and a half years ago. He was a friend as well as her dh and we still miss him a lot. She has since met someone else, has a baby and is getting married this year. Her future dh is lovely. We have never spoken about her late dh in front of him and I know he struggles a bit with it. Now we have a couple of photos of them around the house, one of them at our wedding which is in a printed montage, one in a frame with lots of others and one of me and my friend at her wedding when I was s bm. I am now wondering what to do about them. On the one hand I don't want to make her new dh feel bad and on the other he was our friend and I feel bad about taking them down. And I would have to redo our whole wedding picture. Perhaps I should change the two in frames and leave our wedding one.

I should ask her really but does anyone have any thoughts on this?

thanks for your lovely post on the thread I started in bereavement. Sorry about the loss of your friend but its nice to read about how happy your bf is now - proof that whatever life throws at you it still goes on.

I can understand why you wouldn't want to lose these memories of your friend. Could you leave your wedding one but maybe move the other 2 to more discrete locations and replace them with ones of her with her new dp and baby?

Talking to her and possibly him is a good idea too but its probably worth thinking about what you want first - if you really don't want to break up the montage of your wedding for example it would be better not to mention this when you ask her, or rather than saying something open like 'what would you like me to do with the photos' you could say 'i was thinking of doing x with the photos - what do you think?'

Slightly different situation but I have a friend who divorced her first dh after she found him cheating on her, and has subsequently met and had a son with someone else. Her parents refuse to take down a very large and prominent family photo including her first husband despite my friend offering to pay to have a new professional photo done with her new partner. This has really affected my friends relationship with her parents.

You sound like a lovely caring friend so I am sure you will be able to sort this one out sensitively

You cant change your wedding one as they are your memories, but yes you could change the ones in frames and move the old pictures to an album so that you can still look at them.

how difficult for you and very sensitive that you are thinking of him, but I would not change any af them what I would do is make sure that I have plenty of pics of the three of them around the house.

Thanks everyone, and yes yellowsdinasaur, I agree it's nice to see how life does get better for people after such devastating loss. I hope you are doing ok. It's such a tough time for everyone.

Good idea about making sure there are photos of the three of them. I think I will keep my wedding one but change the others or at least move the frame to somewhere less prominent.

I think talking to them both is a good idea. The memories are happy ones and I agree with the others that the photo of your wedding should stay.

I still have one photo up of me and first dh (he died) and my 2nd DH is happy with that. Although I'm happily married to 2nd DH, first DH was a major part of my life and 2nd DH understands that.

Thanks Riddo. I do think it must be hard on the new partners. After all, you don't stop loving someone just because they died.