Remembering my friend's baby

[Thisisatemporaryname]

I hope that this is the right place to ask my question. I posted a few months ago after my close friend had lost her baby daughter at 38 weeks pregnant, 2 weeks after my baby was born. Your advice was so helpful at such a sad time.

I feared at the time that our friendship would not survive due to my baby being a constant reminder of her loss. He is, but we talk openly and I am lucky to have a friend who values my friendship enough to try, as I do hers. After ups and downs and ups and downs, we are still close.

I would like to mark the anniversary of her daughters birth, I was thinking about making a donation to SANDS in memory of her daughter and sending her some sort of certificate from them and a card/letter from us. I made donations to SANDS on the birth of my children and have certificates in their birth books so I know they would do that. I just wondered if this is appropriate?

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me.

I think it's a lovely idea. I would be happy if someone remembered my dd that way.

Thank you both, I will go ahead with my plan. She is also having a memorial which I will go to. Understandably, she couldn't deal with me being at the funeral.

Everlong, you gave me really good advice on my initial post about this when it happened, thank you so much for that as well.
PS Robins are wonderful birds, they always make me happy when I see them.

I also think your suggestion is a lovely one. I am so glad to hear that both of you have retained a strong friendship - it can't have been easy on either side. The fact that you remember will be the most important thing to her.

Working on everlong's association with the robin, a plant which is significant to your friend perhaps could also be appropriate. (depending on space) Quite a few of our friends have planted trees or flowers in our daughter's memory in their gardens.

Whether or not you make a donation, the gesture of remembrance on her DD's birthday is in itself priceless.

You sound like a wonderful friend x

I have close friends who lost their dd at 27 Weeks. I posted about it on here at the time and like you found some great advice and support.

I bought then a rose plant that had the same name as their dd shortly after her birth and to mark the date she should have been born sent them a helium balloon that they could release -they found this really helped a while they had planned to scatter her Ashes they weren't ready.

On her first birthday I sent a donation to a charity that they were supporting in her name which they really appreciated. So I think your idea is a great one.

I agree mostly with the poster who says that the fact you are remembering her birthday is what is important as lots of people won't.

Thank you so much for your replies I am so touched.

I like the idea of a plant or tree but my friend isn't much into plants etc but I might anyway.

Her daughters' death shocked me so much. I had not known anyone personally whose child had died before and we have so much shared history and had talked about the future with our babies a lot. It's so sad that things will be different. She has been amazing.

Sadly I now know that babies and children die far too often and I find this heartbreaking, I send all of you who have so unfairly lost a child my deepest sympathies and love to your angel babies.

I'll always remember her daughter, my son's missing friend.

I think what you have planned is perfect , tbh just the fact that you are there for her and don't shy away talking about her daughter will mean more than anything .

The plant is a lovely idea but I would be slightly wary because she isn't into her gardening , when my son died a couple of people offered to buy me a rose or similar but I declined . I was really (irrationally I know) scared of it not thriving and I couldn't cope being responsible for something else dying in his name . As I say I know it is nuts and I don't think I have admitted that before but maybe ask her first .