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Bereavement

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Once the Funeral is Over...

10 replies

QueenSconetta · 15/02/2012 08:30

What on earth do you do? 'Getting on with your life' seems insurmountable and disrespectful almost.

My Dad was severely disabled so there is a big gaping hole as most things centred around what he could or couldn't do, it seems unfair and mean to consider doing the things we never did before because he couldn't.

The funeral was only yesterday so it's early days I suppose.

I also have not really cried as I don't feel I can burden others with my grief when then are struggling with their own, esp DP (who was a lot more upset than I expected) and DM. DSis is a waste of space (but that another thread for AIBU) and I feel guilty about that too.

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oreocrumbs · 15/02/2012 08:35

I'm sorry for your loss. Do you want to talk about him here?

As for what happens, don't try to plan ahead too much, just take each day as it comes, it will all unfold in its own time.

michmumm · 15/02/2012 08:42

Just be as kind to yourself as you would to anyone else in the same situation. Everything else will fall back into place and each day you will surprise yourself that you got on with it. Grieving is a line that is walked one step after another.

QueenSconetta · 15/02/2012 08:43

I don't really know what to say tbh. He was very brave and have suffered a rhuematological condition which was very painful and gradually eroded his mobility over 40 years. He fractured ribs as a result of a fall and contracted pneumonia, which killed him. He was only 69 so was a young man in an old man's body. He never complained. I am glad he is no longer in pain but its hard as I am in so much.

My sister is making it harder as she did nothing for him in life but is weeping and wailing and playing the grieving daughter now. She has also done NOTHING towards the funeral or supporting our Mum which is making me very resentful which I know is not a nice attitude. I also feel that one of us needs to stay composed and by default that is me as she has taken up all the 'grief space'. She forgets he was my Dad too. Goodness I sound like a bitch.

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t0lk13n · 15/02/2012 08:53

My mum still had visitors after my dad died in August and we just helped with teas and coffees tec. i TOOK MYMUM to the grave a few days after as she wanted to take cuttlings of the wreaths and keep some and put some on my auntis grave. We 'just' got on with it really. Mum read all the cards and made a list of who sent them and who sent donations. I cant really remember now to be honest. I know my sister went away for a few days and then my husband and I did. Then school started again and I was back in work. My mum is lucky [ if that is the right word] in that my auntie is widowed too and has been a tower of strength for her and has been there for her. I think that it is best to be there immediately and then withdraw as my mil is still in the same place 21 yrs later as her dds cosseted her after the funeral of my fil and hasn`t made any effort to move on. They realsie now how much they did for her and often wish she was less reliant on them. Now she is in her 80s and needs more care than we can give her but for the firat 15 yrs she wanted to die to be with her husband and would always be jealous of people who were still together. However my mum is the opposite as I know my dad would wat her to be out and about and doing things she enjoys. It is hard and I grieve every day...sometimes with sighs, sometimes with tears x Take care xx

treadwarily · 15/02/2012 08:54

I agree with the day at a time. It is early. Grief comes hurling at you when you are not always expecting it.

About your sister, that is grief - hers and yours. Combined it is very hard. Let her do whatever she does, wail etc - she is probably not behaving that way to get at you.
Try to detach from her and feel your own. That is, feel your anger with her but don't act on it in any way that may come back to bite you because you will probably just hurt yourself.
And your mum, yes, that must hurt. Like I said, grief hurts and no one "does it right".
Take time for yourself. Take time away from your mum and sister and stay connected to your own feelings. It is very important for you to have your own space in all this.

Sorry if this is just a mad ramble, I mean well xxx

QueenSconetta · 15/02/2012 08:57

Thanks all. It's all so confusing, x.

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oneofsuesylvesterscheerios · 15/02/2012 09:00

Im so sorry for your loss. I know just how you feel. My dad had something similar to motor neurone disease and was very dependent. He died from pneumonia in June.

I would say that the hardest bit is definitely after the funeral and it left a massive gap in your life, not just emotionally but physically because of the necessary routines, visiting, errands, sorting medical appointments and generally being an advocate for Dads needs. That takes a long time to adjust to and it does feel strange and, yes, even wrong to suddenly have a daily routine that seems so 'free'.

Like you say, it's very very early days and you need to be kind to yourself. It probably goes against the grain to do this, but you need to allow yourself to grieve regardless of the needs of others. You are not responsible for everyone else's comfort and believe it or not they will survive if you're out if action for a while. You might even find that your dh steps up if he sees that you need time and space to just let rip. Try to stop focusing on other people's needs and take care of your own, otherwise you might find it is much worse at a later date.

I found counselling really helped. I don't know if your dad was helped by a hospice but mine was, and they have an excellent support service for families way after your loved one has gone. If not, your GP can sort bereavement counselling; or try CRUSE or maybe there is an organisation that supports your dad's condition? The counsellor helped me deal with all my feelings of guilt, just like the ones you mention.
An excellent analogy she gave me was to imagine your emotional wellbeing can be represented by a stockpot. Usually, you keep topping up a stockpot every time you take from it. For all the time your dads been ill, plus you've kept the family going, your stockpot has been running down but it's not been topped up. Now your dad has gone, you need to focus on filling up your pot again - and you can only do that by letting yourself grieve and looking after yourself more than you look after others (apart from your dcs, although your dh could help with that as well, I hope).

It took me a fair while to get used to saying no to anything or anyone's needs that were not absolutely vital but I'm sure it helped. We went on a holiday away from everyone and I literally stared into space for 2 weeks shortly after dad died. I know this might not be possible but you do need to recuperate and not commit to anything or anyone.

I hope you can do this. All the very best. Dont rush it either; it will take time. X

oreocrumbs · 15/02/2012 09:01

You don't sound like a bitch, I've been there too, not my brother but other relatives who gave oscar worthy perfomances of their grief. That doesn't mean that you can't grieve too.

There are 7 stages of grief - I can't remember them now but will have a google in a min, and they are a process of healing. We all go through them. No ones behaviour is as rational as we would normally be. I've screamed and shouted, not spoken for days on end, loved every one, hated everyone - its a roller coaster.

You need to let yourself go, you can still be strong for everyone else but make sure you let it out.

I found it hardest just after the funeral, leading up to it you have everyone round, keeping busy etc and then it just stops. But, it does get better, I found after the first everything it got easier, the first day, first week, month etc.

cloudpuff · 16/02/2012 14:30

You dont sound like a bitch to me and I understand your resentment towards your sister. Like others have said try not to act on it because in situations like this the odds are you will end up the bad guy.

I thought things would get easier after the funeral but in my experience thats when it starts to sink in as you have more time to think if that makes sense. Its early days still and I know its a cliche but time will help you heal.

xx

QueenSconetta · 16/02/2012 20:31

I know what you mean Cloud, it is just sinking in. Hope you are doing ok and sleeping etc, x

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