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Original poster

My dad's birthday today

18 replies

madasa · 14/02/2012 07:46

It's my dad's birthday today...but I can't celebrate it with him because I lost him 3 months ago. He would have been 75.....I miss him so much

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Hassled · 14/02/2012 07:49

Oh I'm sorry - I find my parents' birthdays hard too, and for me it's been years. It's the trigger for so many memories, isn't it? In time, though, you'll find that more and more of those triggers are for happy memories, and then the significant dates get easier. It's very early days for you - take care of yourself.

chickydoo · 14/02/2012 08:07

Thinking of you, try to remember the happy times, Dad's are so very special.

Original poster
madasa · 14/02/2012 08:43

Thank you both
Chickydoo ,words couldn't even begin to describe how special my dad was....everybody loved him. I guess that this pain is the price you pay for having someone so special.
We have someone at work moaning about how they have got to look after their mother and how difficult it is with what with work and everything. I want to slap her
Yes it's hard work....the times my dad spent in hospital were hard....I was run ragged and it was chaos....I'd give anything to have that chaos back....I would welcome it with open arms :(

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chickydoo · 14/02/2012 08:55

You stay strong today, I'm sending you positive vibes. I will raise a glass to your lovely Dad this evening Madasa.

Original poster
madasa · 14/02/2012 20:52

Thank you Chickydoo
It's been a hard day but am raising a glass to him myself now :)

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follygirl · 15/02/2012 19:17

It would have been my Dad's 74th birthday today. So only a day later than yours. We lost him over 4 years ago and it still hurts so I'm not surprised you're in so much pain after just 3 months.
It is still hard and its not something you ever 'get over'. It just gets a bit easier to deal with that's all.

Remember the good times, it sounds like your Dad was as special as mine :)

follygirl · 15/02/2012 19:18

I'll raise a glass to both of them tonight.

Original poster
madasa · 15/02/2012 21:30

Thinking of you Follygirl...we were lucky to have such special dads:)
I had a good thing happen today....such a simple thing but my dad had an old pen (nothing flash just a Papermate) and today I managed to get a refill for it. Wasn't even sure they still did them....:)

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follygirl · 16/02/2012 19:08

The good ones always die young don't they?

My dh still has both parents and I must admit that I find it difficult to watch my dc's relationship develop with my fil. My dad died when my children were only 3 and 1 and he would have loved getting to know them and watching them grow.

Luckily my dh is a really good support but as he hasn't experienced this, he really has no idea what it's like.

I did really raise a toast to both of them last night!

follygirl · 16/02/2012 19:09

Just think how amazing it will be to use his pen. That's lovely.

Original poster
madasa · 17/02/2012 19:58

Oh Follygirl that must be so hard not having your dad around to see your little ones grow up . My daughter is 21 but she adored her grandad and it has hit her hard. Even though I know she was blessed to have him for 21 years I still feel a pang that he won't see her graduate....he would have been so proud of her.
I'm glad you have support from your dh , I know they can't make it better but sometimes a hug goes a long way. My dp is a rock, unfortunately for him he does have an idea, he lost his precious dad 4 years ago. My dad died on the 4th anniversary of his dad dying....we won't forget that day :(
Has been lovely using his pen :)

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follygirl · 17/02/2012 22:50

How horrible for you and dp to share the same date!

Dad died on November 22nd 2005 and my sister-in-law lost her mum on November 23rd the year before that.

Funny how these things can happen. I am sad that the kids won't remember him but I'm glad that he got to meet them. That doesn't always happen does it. I know he would have been a great grandad.

How is your mother coping? Mine still has ups and downs but she's doing okay. She's currently in Bali with a female friend having a whale of a time.

I've got a shirt from my Dad. Not as practical as a pen admittedly! It's actually far too big for me but I like having it. :)

Original poster
madasa · 18/02/2012 07:29

Aww shirt sounds good:) I slept with my dad's cardi under my pillow for weeks and then threw all my toys out of the pram when It began to lose his 'smell' My dp bless his heart suggested we go and buy some cocoa butter and rub it on as that is what my dad used to use for his skin...that really touched me that he would think of that.

I bet your mum is having a ball :) Does she live near you?

My mum died 8 years ago age 63...courtesy of NHS smear test blunder so I am an orphan Confused

I have an amazing sister though and brother in law, niece and nephew. We are meeting this morning to continue sorting dad's house. Horrible job but better with support.

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follygirl · 21/02/2012 22:54

I'm sorry to hear that your Mum died, and at such a young age. Was it hard for your dad without her? It must have been hard for you too.

My Mum lives 10 mintes away and we see her quite a lot. Perhaps not as much as we should. I have two brothers but they both live abroad and we don't have any other family here so we're all she has in England.

Wishing you lots of strength for having to sort out your dad's house. I'll have that job one day when my Mum dies. My Mum sorted out all of Dad's things.

Your RL support network sound fantastic. Although it's always a real help to 'talk' to people who understand what you're feeling, it's the people in RL who you need to hold your hand.

Original poster
madasa · 24/02/2012 09:14

Hi follygirl
I think it must have been hard for my dad when we lost mum. He never said too much, he was a man of few words (but took everything in....never missed a trick!) He took early retirement to care for her for the last 8 years of her life as the treatment for cancer had rendered her virtually disabled. Kind of makes me angry as I now feel he should be enjoying the latter years of his life, free from pain and worry.

I had a complicated relationship with my mum and I have not missed her since the day she died. I know that sounds harsh but it's the way it is.....it brings its own complicated feelings though.

It must be lovely to have your mum so near. For the last 2 years we lived only 30 mins from my dad....I loved just being able to pop over for a cuppa.

House is almost sorted. Sold his car on Saturday, a sad but necessary job.

You are right about the people in RL, I am lucky to have support. Sometimes it's nice to be able to come on here without feeling that you are burdening anyone ...not that anyone makes me feel like that...it's my own head that thinks that!

I expect you mum is back from her hols now, hope she had a good time :)

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feelingafailure · 11/03/2012 19:54

very very sad.i still miss my mum and dad.who died very young.i truly miss that i cant go and see them or speak to them..i miss my uncle who we found dead. .i just so much miss them in my life..

feelingafailure · 11/03/2012 19:56

i want to see them and speak to them.but always in my thoughts.god rest their souls x

Original poster
madasa · 11/03/2012 20:47

aww feelingafailure I'm sorry for your losses x

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