I watched my Dad take his last breath tonight

[QueenSconetta]

It is a blessed relief for him as he had never been a well man, and this last week he had been suffering so I am glad he is no longer in pain but now I don't know what to do with myself.

After the initial exhaustion of having had 3 hours sleep in 40 has worn off I can't sleep, I feel sick, I keep seeing the scene in my head.

I have to tell my 2 year old DD in the morning, and while I know she will understand, I'm not sure how she will take it, she's a sensitive wee soul.

I expected to be comforted by relief, but I just feel bewildered and lost. I want to mend him and I can't.

So sorry about your dad. No wise words I'm afraid, just someone out there listening.

Thank you. The tears are coming now, everyone else is in bits so I have to be strong in the day time. Am overwhelmed by the idea of all the practicalities too.

Can you sleep? Or is that a daft question? I hope you have someone to give you a bit of support too.

So sorry queen He is now at peace sweetheart.

Your dd will be strong, little ones surprise us at the worse times with their resilience and character. Lots of cuddles with her in the morning and cry if you need to, she will understand.

Saying a prayer for you to get through this difficult time x

No Madonna, I can't seem to get back to sleep, just keep seeing it over and over, not that it was dramatic but still. Everyone is being very supportive so hopefully I will be able to let them in but I have this feeling of wanting to protect them. Thank you so much for listening.

We just didn't expect this. He had suffered with ill health for 40 years, but had never been in any danger from it. A fortnight ago I never imagined we would be in this position.

Thank you DJ. Everyone has been so kind. Xx.

Oh Queen I feel for you so much. I watched my uncle pass away in June and still have dreams that I am by his bedside and have fallen asleep.

You will get through this. Rest when you can. Your DD will be fine. She will bounce back and keep you busy.

Cry when you can, sleep when you can. Let your body dictate what it needs. And come here for hugs when you need them as it is going to be a roller coaster few weeks x

Thank you Sharpkat, xx

So sorry about your dad. I was in your situation 2 years ago and know exactly what you mean about replaying the scene over in your head. I worried that was the only way I'd ever be able to remember him but it does pass and now when I think about him I'm able to think about him as he was when he was alive and pre-cancer. my dad died through the night too andI do remember the rest of the night being a very surreal time. In the morning there will be people to phone and arrangements to make but until then there is a sort of 'nothingness'. I hope you have people with you at the moment?

Thanks Craic. DP and DD are in bed, so I am up on my own, but think it's quite good to get some time with my own thoughts. I can't get over how kind everyone has been, both here and in RL. A man from the ward he was in before he was moved to his own room was asking after him last night, which really touched me because my Dad won't have been able to speak to them or anything because he was so unwell, x.

Hope you manage to get some rest at some point today and that telling dd goes okay.

So sorry for your loss. Everything you are feeling is absolutley normal.

My Dad died suddenly a week ago and I was so worried about telling my six year old dd as she is very sensitive but she just accepted it as if Id told her we were having pizza for tea. Children are amazing in the way they handle things like this and your dd will be a massive comfort to you over the following months.

Try your best to eat also xxx

So sorry about your dad. I sat with my dad for nearly 24 hours till he took his last breath and I remember feeling exactly how you do now. All I cam say is take each day as it comes, cry as much as you want, talk about him with your family, laugh about the good times etc. I found this a comfort as my dad was a character. I remember replaying his last moments in my head too and to be honest three years on I still do and it still upsets me but I'm so glad I was there with him.

What I found a real comfort was going to see him a couple of days later in the funeral parlour. Sounds strange but just to see him one last time dressed in his suit looking asleep and not in a hospital bed. It was lovely to see him at peace and I was able to place some photos in his hand of the grandchildren etc.

Be kind to yourself. Your head will be all over the place at the minute but it will get easier.

Thank you Tan. I don't think I could see him, but I like the idea of giving a picture of DD to the funeral director to send with him.

Telling DD was fine. She gave a big smile, in such a way as to make me think she simply understood that he was in a better place and at peace now and she liked that.

So sorry for your loss.
Just take each day as it comes, you will get through it and the pain will lessen in time x

Is it normal to be so exhausted? Hope you are all ok. Monday seems like a lifetime ago, not only 3 days, x.