Being a mother without a mother

[FlappyBaps]

My fantastic mum died 3 weeks ago after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 6 months ago. I'm still feeling a bit numb, and there is alot of "stuff" that I could write but won't as I'm really here for reassurance (hopefully!) on one thing.

We have a DD - nearly 2 - and before mum's diagnosis were talking about number 2. In the meantime TTC has been the last thing on my mind but increasingly I'm thinking that I simply couldn't manage without my mum around if we had another baby. I suffered PND with DD and mum was wonderful, but I honestly feel that I could ride that storm without her, but I really don't know practically how we would manage if, for example, I had a rough labour and was out of action for any length of time. My in-laws are useless (and please don't pursue that avenue as there really is no way forward on that front for either me or DH) and so we really would be on our own. I know other people manage: please tell me that we could too?
ow I'd manage emotionally is an entirely different matter: think I may be feeling so numb that all I can think about it practical stuff, to be honest!

Sorry your mum has died, Flappy . Pancreatic cancer is a horrible disease that doesn't often get diagnosed in time, it tends to be fairly rapid

My mum died before I met DH or started a family, I have 2 children 20/21months apart and no practical help except for DH. My sister used to have the eldest for a few hours now and then until she had children too.

All I can say is, you do manage, you can manage but it is hard at times.

I have felt really envious when other people talk about how their mum has taken the children overnight for them to have a break, or come round to babysit for them, bring them shopping, etc. To an extent, you make friends that fill in some of the gaps, I have always had a few older women friends that are kind of around my Mums age or in between, rather than my age.

If there is anything in particular you are wondering about, ask away I will pop back in the evening.

Sorry to hear about your mum. You're going through a very hard time when you're grieving and your confidence is low. That's natural I think. You will manage with another child and pregnancy you just won't be able to call on the unconditional support that you had before.

Don't focus on your last pregnancy, labour and complications. Each one is different. My 2nd and 3rd labours were a doddle compared to the first and that was pretty bad. We can't predict what is going to happen until the time arrives.

I lost my mother 18 years ago and really had no idea which way up to hold a baby (I am not joking). My first child was born 5 weeks after my father died. I've watched my brother fall apart at our father's passing and although I was falling apart and would quite happily have climbed into the coffin with him, I kept going. It's been 6 years and I now have 3 children. I often think how having my first child was a blessing in disguise because I had to keep strong, I had to deliver my baby and I had to look after him. Perhaps this is why I've not fallen apart.

I would have loved my parents to be there and be a part of it, but sadly that wasn't to be but you do make up for it in other ways as has already been said. Don't forget that your DD is going to love a new baby to bits. Little girls always do!