Don't know what to say/ how to help...

[MerryMarigold]

A dear friend's brother committed suicide this week. She is obviously deeply shocked and upset. I don't know how to help. I'd really appreciate some advice on what's helped those of you who have been bereaved, especially as I did not know her brother so cannot talk about him. Would talking about my experience of bereavement be unhelpful (as it was very different circumstances)? I can't remember what helped me, as it was a very blurry time...

I recall the doing rather than the saying was the most helpful. What can you say, its truely awful.

Spend time with her, listen to her, sit with her while she cries/rants/stares into space - whatever she needs to do.

Also practical things, take her family food, do her dishes, if she has DC take them out for the day or a sleep over.

i'm so sorry for your friend.

Just let her know you are there. Go and spend time and let her talk about him (let her tell you all about him if you didn't know him) she will be experiencing all the usual grief emotions plus guilt (suicide survivors i.e those left behind can experience this despite it being unfounded). Ask her how she feels etc and try to not talk about your experiences. Good luck - she'll appreciate you being there.

Thanks so much. I will refrain from talking about my experiences. And doing, yes. I know she loves people cooking for her. I have a morning free tomorrow, so I'll offer to cook a meal and go and be with her if she's ready to see people.

Its sometimes about playing the long game too. All of her family will be together at the moment and lots of friends, but very quickly after the funeral people will slip away, and stop asking how she is etc. Thats when you can really come into your own and make sure she still has an ear/place to turn should she need it.

great advice, oreo, thankyou.