Stuck in denial/disbelief?

[toptramp]

Does anyone else feel like this? Mum died of cancer last year and I still cannot believe she is gone. I keep saying things like she will always be in my heart and I diodn't loose a mum, I gained one but I think I am still in shock.

I find it hard to cry. Her decline was horrific and I think I am traumatised. In a positive way her death has inspired me to grab life with both hands and I got a new job, a new house and lost loads of wieght when she died. Is this disloyal to her. Why can't I just have a proper cry. I am so angry that she dies so young an disn't see my baby grow up. Life sucks sometimes but it is alos very beautiful as mum didn't want to loose her life.

She died last June. I just feel wierd.

Im so sorry for your loss. Have you had any counselling? Cruise are apparently amazing

Someone willbe along with wise words soon

Please come and join us on this thread.we are all grieving for a parent
here

I am so with you top - my mum died 16 months ago and I still find it hard to believe. I too have made changes, cut some negative people out my life, lost weight, got into a fab exercise regime and basically live life to the full.

My mum had lung cancer and her last few weeks were horrific and it's so sad as I have a few memories that absolutely haunt me...I can be fine one minute, something will pop into my brain and within a second I can be sobbing.

People deal with grief in different ways - maybe you cant cry because in your heart she isnt gone?? I dont know, grief is very strange. Maybe you dont want to cry because you feel once you start you wont stop - there could be a million reasons!

PM me if you ever need a chat...I tend not to talk about it anymore because I think people think after 16 months I should be over it. God, she was my mum for 39 years, how can I erase her in 16 months...madness!!! I feel cheated and bitter but hey ho, life sucks sometimes.

Big hugs to you xx

Aw lovey, in the nicest possible way, give yourself a break. You are still in the early stages of grief. The only thing to remember is that there are no rules when it comes to grieving.
My mum died nearly 19years ago, and sometimes it still hits me like a rocket. Yet 2 days after she died I went out and played a netball match (I was in my teens) as though nothing had happened. Life seems to go on as normal yet nothing is normal. It is a very strange sensation.
I would go very easy on yourself. The fact that you have entered a New Year without your mum can bring back a lot of raw emotion. I know I hated saying that mum had died "last year" instead of "this year".
I understand about feeling disloyal. I didn't change my hairstyle for 3 years after mum because I was worried she wouldn't recognise me, daft eh? It isn't being disloyal to do things with your life. It is the greatest compliment to your mum that you want to honour her life (and mourn her death) in such a way.
Sending you big unMN hugs. It sucks. It is shit. But truly, the good memories start to outweigh the bad ones.

Hi there, just thought I would add that my mam died 5 years ago now of lung cancer at just 58 years old. The illness and the aftermath were horrific and you really are at such an early stage in all of this. I still have very down days now about my own mam after this period of time although I have come to accept that she did die and won't be coming back.

Everyone deals with grief in their own way and I hope things can pick up for you shortly.

I second everything that StickAFork says. My mum died in October and there have been times when I have felt happy, then guilty about feeling happy, then griefstricken that she isn't around to be happy any more. Join us on the grieving for a parent thread as Mummylin suggests. You will find that you are absolutely not alone in any of your feelings.