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my baby boy born sleeping

18 replies

Alliegb · 06/01/2012 11:57

dont normally do this sort of thing but felt i need to do something. last wednesday we went to our routine midwife appointment and were told she couldn't find his heartbeat. sent to hospital for a scan where i was told the devistating news..... my lil boy was with us and so my oh couldn't come in the scan room with me.... i feel tortured that i had to tell my oh and lb the news without even somehow preparing my lb. my baby was born last friday. i just don't know what to do with myself.............. feel so lost and empty feel my lb needs his mummy but just don't know how to put that smile on...... i've been told by school his ok when he's with them and has a good support network that allow him to talk about what has happend but when he's at home he isn't really his normal self. he's very clingy (which is understandable) and last night 2hours after i put him to bed i heard him sobbing his little heart out. if things aren't bad enough i've developed an infection in my womb and my boy is so careful and considerate knowing that if mummy sits on the floor it hurts to get back up and he's tring to help me lifting me up but feel so guilty, that isn't his job its my job to look after him not the other way around....my oh has been wonderful and has sorted just about everything out but i've been trying to find some music for my baby boys funeral and has been tearing my heart apart..like i said i don't do this sort of thing but felt i needed to get something out of my head.............

OP posts:
YourCallIsImportant · 06/01/2012 12:13

You poor, poor soul. I can't offer any real practical help but you will get loads of support here, as unfortunately a few others have experienced the same pain as you are going through. Sad Take care of yourself.

chipmonkey · 06/01/2012 12:23

Oh, Allie! I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my baby daughter at 7 weeks old so know something of the pain you are going through. Please tell your little boy it's OK to cry and that you will cry too, it's all a normal part of grieving. And it probably makes him feel better to know he is helping you.
Please join us on this thread when you feel ready.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/01/2012 12:37

So sorry for your loss, bless you all.

Your little boy sounds like a beautiful soul, wishing you all lots of strength xx

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 06/01/2012 16:43

Oh I'm so so sorry. How far along were you? What did you call him?

I'm sure you're being a wonderful mummy, you can't be expected to carry on as normal, its normal for you all to grieve. Take care of yourself.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 06/01/2012 18:18

Alliegb, I hurt for you. What a terrible ordeal. I hope you and your OH also have a strong support system of family and friends around you at this sad time. Just let your feelings flow, and be gentle on yourselves. I lost my beautiful Mia in October, different circumstances to you, but losing a child is the worst thing imaginable for any parent. Please don't feel guilty, you are grieving...

Flubba · 06/01/2012 18:49

So sorry for your terrible loss.

Alliegb · 06/01/2012 19:12

thank you so much everyone for your kind words, i find them of some comfort, just so sad that we are all connected in this tragic way.....

leftmymistletoeatthedoor, I was nearly 27wk pregnant. i feel so angry with myself as i "felt" something wasn't right. Can't explain it but had told midwife at previous app that he hardly moved but because I heard his heartbeat I thought it was just me. She also told me that was usual and they didn't worry til 27wks...... just feel that I should of insisted on a scan or something or extra checks just something but i didn't and I'll never forgive myself for that. He was born simply perfect and we named him Isaac Tyler.

I want to talk about him all the time (why wouldn't I?? I did with my 1st born) but at same time feel people don't want me to if that makes sense. So thankfull that I found such wonderfull people on here that are allowing me to do this xx

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 06/01/2012 20:20

Isaac is such a lovely name. And feel free to talk about him as much as you like. He will always be your little boy. You can't hold him or cuddle him but he's still there in your heart.
My dd was born at 28 weeks but was absolutely thriving. She died at 35 weeks corrected, a mere few days after we took her home.

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 06/01/2012 23:04

Lovely name.

It was not your fault, ok? You have to stop thinking that.

Talk about him all you like, he's your baby, he always will be.

Flubba · 07/01/2012 09:15

Alliegb it's not your fault at all. During pregnancies that turn out well, there are hundreds of times we feel that something isn't right, and sometimes we get them checked out, and sometimes we don't. It's just very, very sad for you and your family that Isaac was born sleeping, but it's not anybody's fault and although it's understandable that you think like that (who wouldn't try and find a reason?), it's not going to achieve anything other than more sadness and torment for you. Be good to yourself, your DH and your little boy. x

Lilyloo · 08/01/2012 18:56

Am so sorry your little boy Isaac Tyler was born sleeping x

Alliegb · 09/01/2012 09:22

we've managed to arrange his funeral and that is this week. Trying not to think how I'm going to get through that still taking every hour as it comes.... One thing that has settled my mind a little bit is that the funeral director managed to source some clothes for me to put on Isaac. Was so important to me. We'd tried to buy some for him but sadly non of the baby shops sell anything for tiny baby's. To be honest we looked in Mothercare and although the prem baby clothes they had were very lovely they didn't have hardly anything and it was all very odd, the few items they had were short sleeved (as in vest type) and they had a gorgeous cardi but no bottoms(??). This broke my heart thinking that Isaac wouldn't be dressed for his funeral.....

I have a question if I can ask and sorry if to much info but don't know who else to ask. My blood loss was quite heavy to begin with, plus i developed an infection of my womb which I'm am on 2 different lots of anti biotics for. The blood loss seemed to lessen but then yesterday and so far this morning has come back heavy and bright red..... Is this "normal"?? I also have a bit of pain "down there", could i have gone straight onto a period or is this too soon?? xxx

OP posts:
Gay40 · 09/01/2012 09:25

I'm so sorry for your loss and please just keep talking about it as much as you want, even if it's just here x

MmeLindor. · 09/01/2012 09:28

Allie
I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful name you chose for him.

Your little boy sounds absolutely lovely.

No idea about the clothes, but hopefully someone will be along shortly to give you advice.

Maybe give your maternity unit a ring and ask to speak to a midwife or a doc about the bleeding.

jasminerice · 09/01/2012 09:37

I'm so sorry you have lost your beautiful baby. I wish you all the strength you need to get through this terrible time.

Please call your GP/midwife about the bleeding.

Give your older boy lots of hugs and cuddles. There's nothing wrong in both of you having a cry together.

dawnpreview · 09/01/2012 15:37

So sorry for your loss.

AnInnocentAbroad · 09/01/2012 15:44

Please don't ever blame yourself - it's not your fault. Sending you lots of love at such a difficult time. Take care.

Lilyloo · 09/01/2012 16:13

I am glad the funeral director has been able to help with some clothes for Isaac , i cannot imagine how painful that shopping trip must have been.
As others have said ring your midwife about the bleeding she should advise you , take care x

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