Explaining death to young children

[dawnpreview]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to be posting this. I am new, and haven't really found my way around yet.
My wonderful FIL died unexpectedly last night My in-laws live about 4 hours away, and DH has driven up there by himself this morning.
Our 3 1/2 year old twins have been asking where daddy has gone, and why are mummy and daddy crying. How in Gods name do I even begin to explain it to them? They knew their grandad, and we recently spent a week with them on holiday.
Thanks for reading

Tell them he is now a star in the sky and that they will know which is his star coz he will twinkle the brightest to wave at them. You could also name a star after him so they have a visual connective. Be honest say he was poorly he died and he didnt want to leave but will watch over you all from the sky.

I recently lost my Mum and this helped my children. They are very accepting especially young ones but I do think you should always be as honest as their age allows.

I am very sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry to hear your news, how sad.

Afriad I don't have an answer for you but hopefully someone more helpful will be along soon.

You explain that granddad didn't know that he was very poorly and that his body suddenly stopped working and then he died. Explain that being dead means we won't see granddad any more (if you believe in heaven, insert it here) but we will remember him and think about him and look at photographs to remind us. That you're very sad because you loved granddad and you'll miss him very much indeed. That you're very shocked because it was so sudden. Tell them that they are going to miss granddad and it's OK for them to be sad. And that grandma & daddy miss him most of all and daddy has gone to make sure grandma is OK.

It's the part about going away and not coming back again that children that age tend to struggle with. And they may still think that next time they see their grandma, grandad is nearby somewhere.

Be prepared that they may not be as upset about it as you are. (I remember when someone in our family died and my brother and I were found a few days later playing 'graves' in the garden) Be prepared that they may take the information on board and seem to forget about it shortly afterwards. Also be prepared that they might not react immediately but that it affects them a few days down the track.

Good luck and sorry about your loss.

Thank you for your advice. I will certainly use some of your suggestions.
I don't think they really understand what death means yet, so probably won't really affect them just yet. It is just still obviously very raw for us at the moment.

There's a charity called Winston's Wish who have a helpline for parents who have to help their children deal with bereavement. We found it very helpful.

www.winstonswish.org.uk/

HTH

Sorry to hear your news.
As they are so young I'd just stick with some metaphors for death at the moment:
'We're so sad because 's gone to heaven and to be with the stars. When we get older this happens, but you don't have to worry because and and etc are all here for you and * is looking down on you' kind of thing.
Both my sons were very young when dh and I lost close family and they are quite matter of fact about it now when we look at photos.

How about planning some plants to plant for him in the spring and choosing them together or naming a star?

Remember to look after yourselves - your Dh is going to need lots of TLC also. Have you close friends who can look after twins so you have time to yourselves and a bit of space to cry or do stuff? Sorry again.x

Random bolding there. Forgot that an asterisk means bold.

Condolences from MNHQ.
We've moved your thread to 'Bereavement' so you can get the support you need.

We lost a baby 4 years ago when DD had just turned 3. She had been very excited about having a baby brother/sister, and had been involved in conversations about it pretty much from the time we found out.

I lost him at 18 weeks and it was very difficult to find a way of helping her through her grief, as well as expressing our own. What we found helped us to explain death was the book 'Goodbye Mog' by Judith Kerr. It explains death in a very gentle way and this helped DD to ask questions and to express how she felt.

I am sorry for your loss.
xx