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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

My father died last night. I'm heartbroken.

40 replies

nkf · 02/01/2012 17:29

First shock now terrible sadness. Feel so sorry for myself. It's been a hard hard year and I can't cope with this tragedy.

OP posts:

JaffaSnaffle · 02/01/2012 20:44

NKF, I am so sorry to hear your news. Please take of yourself xxx

Haribolicious · 02/01/2012 20:44

So sorry for your loss nkf....please look after yourself and give yourself time to grieve and shout and scream and cry! Do what you need to in order to get through each moment let alone each day. It's a tough journey but we get through it....just don't expect to be

Haribolicious · 02/01/2012 20:46

Oops sorry! Meant to say 'don't expect to be ok straight away' don't put a time limit on things.

DorothyGherkins · 02/01/2012 20:47

Read this in a novel once, sorry cant remember the name of it. Her father dies unexpectedly. She writes all the things she never told him, all the things she was hoping to do with him, in a letter, and put the letter on a fire. Would this help at all? I always thought it was a lovely way to help with any unresolved matters. You will feel sad for a long time, my father died over twenty years ago, but I think of him every day. Your father never leaves you, you always carry him around in your heart. xxxx

cornsilxkskiy · 02/01/2012 20:49

I'm so sorry xx

giraffesCanGoFirstFootingOnNYE · 02/01/2012 20:50

so sorry

Snowsister · 02/01/2012 20:52

So sorry to hear about your dad. Its so very very hard losing someone you love. Get support as soon as you can. Can you phone a friend or a relative tonight? You shouldnt be alone just now.

You may feel a bit numb and spacey on and off to start with. Thats ok and it will help you cope. Just feel your feelings as they arrive. Take it day by day. xx

mummylin2495 · 02/01/2012 21:25

NFK i am so sorry to see your sad news,i am in the same situation as you but 9 weeks ahead.Pleas join the rest of us who are grieving for a parent if you feel up to it. here

WelshCerys · 03/01/2012 00:04

Keep warm, be very, very gentle on yourself, lots of hugging your children (even if they're teenagers - especially if they're teenagers), and whatever you do, don't reproach yourself for anything. Your dad, with his humour, would undoubtedly want you to try to smile through the tears.

Talk to him, if it helps - I talked to my dad a lot after he died - it was quite a long time ago but I still find myself saying eg 'Dad, what do you think?'.

You say you feel like an orphaned child - I remember that feeling so well but, trust me, it passes and so does the physical pain (I remember a very crushing ache in my tummy - but it didn't last, it eased, it will do for you).

Tell us more about your dad - he sounds lovely. xxx

TheFarSide · 03/01/2012 00:09

Hi nkf. Sorry to hear your news. I lost my mum in October. She had been ill but we didn't realise how ill. It's always a shock, even if expected. The first few days were pretty unbearable.

suburbophobe · 03/01/2012 00:12

I'm so sorry. My dad died a year ago, it's so hard isn't it?

soaccidentprone · 03/01/2012 14:26

I know exactly how you feel. My dad died 22 years ago and my mum 6 years ago and I'm in my mid 40s.

I think about my mum all the time - not so much my dad though as it was such a long time ago, and obviously we didn't have anywhere near as much time together.

I try and remember the great things we did together when we were younger. My dad loved Tom and Jerry cartoons and John Wayne! He was also really practical and could turn his hand to most things, DIY, sewing, cooking etc, so I really miss his advice and help.

I found the hardest days were the days of the funerals. In the run up you tend to be v busy organising etc, but the actual saying goodbye for the last time was heartbreaking. I didn't think I would every come to terms with my loss, but I have.

So remember the good times, try and keep the memories alive in your heart, and do whatever you feel is right for you. There are no right and wrongs.

Original poster

nkf · 03/01/2012 22:38

Hello people. Am feeling better now. Have spoken with family and my wonderful superorganised sister is making all the practical stuff manageable. Apparently, he was feeling unwell and refused to go to hospital. He'd been talking about making preparations for his own funeral. I think he knew his time was very near. I don't think it came as a surprise for him.

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 04/01/2012 23:55

Sorry missed your update. I'm glad you are feeling a bit better and that you've found that your dad was prepared. That's very comforting isn't it.

Snowsister · 05/01/2012 13:57

That's good you have support and its not all falling on you to organise everything.

Sometimes when people know their time is near they just want to be at home. It sounds as if this was the case with your dad. I hope its a comfort to you that he planned what he wanted to happen and got it.

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