Miss my mum and Dh's family not helping.

[peter88]

Spent most of Christmas with in-laws. As far as MIL's go she is not too bad. However, the whole thing was really emotional. I held it together but now am cross by certain things. She gave dc 2 special grandson/grandaughter thing each. Why 2? Almost like giving them one on behalf of my mum. There was another incident where me and youngest dc were excluded but other dc always seem to be her favourites.
SIL also was really insensitive too. Very unusual as she is lovely. Something along the line of "at least your mum can't embarrass you."
Guess I need to get a thick skin as even the Christmas Card signed mum had me in floods of tears.
Mum passed away in april and Dad many years before.
I know it's really important to spend time with her too as she is the only grandparent our dc have.
Think part of problem too as that dh hasn't exactly understood how upset am. He even asked me what i had been watching when he saw me crying on day of funeral.
Just want to vent. Hoping writing it down will help.

My darling Dad died in the Summer and it was so hard this year. I have a real problem spending time with my inlaws too. They were completely insensitive to how I am feeling and have never even expressed sympathy at Dad's death! Nothing not a word!

I understand about your Dh as although mine is generally wonderful he just does not understand how hard things are for me this year.

I am sorry. It hurts like hell doesn't it. xx

Yes it does newpup. Thank you and sorry for your loss too. x

in laws are very hard when you have lost your own Mum. All of my sisters have had a nightmare with their MILs since our Mum died. It is very difficult especially if there was even a glimmer of tension already as the resentment grows. Would just keep your distance for a while whilst you slowly heal and deal with your own grief.

So sorry for your loss- my mum died many years ago so it's not raw, although of course I still miss her every day, but I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful MIL who just shows me she loves me without trying to replace her. Just to be clear- did your MIL actually send you a card signed mum? How incredibly, clod-hoppingly tactless of her if so. You poor thing. It sounds like she's trying to overcompensate, with this being your first Christmas without your DM, but has completely failed to anticipate how it might be received and thereby made you feel even more wretched. As for your SIL, was she trying to inject a bit of humour and totally bypassed her appropriateness switch too? Sounds like there's no harm in them really, but not a lot of tact either. Could your DH perhaps have a quiet word?

peter88 - so sorry for your loss and the tough time you have had with your in-laws. It does accentuate the loss. My MIL wrote me a letter after Dad and then Mum died within a year of each other, but no-one ever asked me how I was feeling - am with you, newpup. I think some people are very uncomfortable with strong emotion. My dh's family never talk about their feelings and were probably terrified I would burst into tears if they asked me how I was. I felt and probably looked terrible for a long time and found Christmas unutterably hard. It is my 4th Christmas after my Mum's death and I have just started to feel a bit better. Think it has taken me a long time because of other things going on in my life and bereavements so close together. Try not to see too much of them and be kind to yourself. It can hurt extraordinarily when they are insensitive and you are feeling so raw. But it does get better.

Thank you everyone. The Christmas Card and anniv card shortly after mum. death were both signed mum. Obv though they were addressed to dh too so I suppose it was hard to know what to write.
Hi whitecloud I too have had bereavements close together. In my case my mum and a sibling.
I do honetly feel in the cold light of day that no harm was meant. I guess I am just a little disappointed and overthinking things.
I guess that if you had a great mother the mother/daughter bond is so strong and I guess it hurts seeing other people sharing that bond. It just than highlights silly thing like on Chritmas Eve when she and SIL/BIL had their evening meal before we arrived. When we arrived all that wa left were Pizzas she mut know I hate but dh loves and one which I ended up sharing with dc.