My dh sadly hung his self due to depression April 16 2011 - so just over 9mths ago :(
The shock and emotions I had finding him as was in our house are difficult to explain and for people to comprehend
What I will say is that you mustn't ever blame yourself - through counselling and the coroner and friends and doctors etc - all have told me that dh meant and wanted to die due to the way he killed his self
Hanging is quick and final and no return - and is not a cry for help - unlike pills and slashing wrists etc
I know the above sounds very blunt and possibly hurtful and it is not meant to be
I go to a sobs group - survivors of bereaved of suicide - and many there I feel are not surviving and some feel that their child/oh didn't mean to do it - trust me they did
And there is nothing that you or I could have done to stop them - the quicker you reliese this then the easier if that's the right word - it is to try and get your head round what has happened
What that person said at the funeral was unforgivable and try and forget it - easier said then done :(
What I got told and over the months I have to agree - is that if I wasn't there in my dh life the past nearly 20years that he would have killed his self years ago - the love and support I give dh kept him alive but eventually he just couldn't cope :(
Yes course I feel guilt - terrible guilt that I didn't manage to 'cure' dh but alas depression is a silent killer - my brother describes it as cancer of the mind - it's there but no one can see
Not sure if what I have written helps and if it makes it worse (and tbh nothing can be worse then losing someone you love) then I am sorry - it is my insight over the months
All the love in the world just couldn't keep dh alive and happy and I hope mark has found his peace and light at the end of his tunnel of darkness
Feel free to message me if you want