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Original poster

Mum's ashes

11 replies

brazenhussy · 27/12/2011 19:24

Ive not been on MN for a while but used to be a regular on here so it was the first place I thought of for advice when my lovely mum died suddenly in November.

Mum was elderly, disabled and very infirm but her death was unexpected and has left us in shock. For the past few years she has been in a great deal of pain and been completely housebound. The cause of death has not yet been confirmed but there is a chance she took her own life Sad Sad

Mum left me a happy but moving note for me to read after she passed and in it she expressed her wishes for her ashes to be scattered over roses.

When I collected her ashes from the funeral directors it was unbelievable how comforted and close I felt to her.

Over christmas I have loved looking over to her box and feeling her near (if I had heard someone say that previously i would have questioned their sanity) because she has been too infirm over the last two christmases to leave her home and it was a huge disappointment to her to not be here and see her Grandchildren.

I now don't feel I want to scatter her ashes as I feel she belongs here with us. I know she is 'with us' anyway as I feel her presence everyday. But I also respect her wishes to be scattered.

What do others feel about this?

TIA x

OP posts:
JoyceDivision · 27/12/2011 19:30

When my lovely Gran died 3 yr ago, she said she didn't want to be buried, but that was all!

So, she was cremated, and then we scattered her ashes. Now, some people may find this a bit odd, but gran was loved by and in turn so much loved her chilfren grandchildren and greatgrand children, that we took her ashes to a memorial for the war she lost her brother in, and we all took handfuls of ashes and scattered them, including our children that were bewteen 3 and 7 years old, and it was such a lovely cheery send off, the kids knew they were sprinkling great gran dust and were shouting bye to her while we chatted about how much she would be loving it.. it was a comforting cheery send off for her Smile

zookeeper · 27/12/2011 19:30

Personally I would keep the ashes with you until or if you feel ready to scatter them. I'm sure if you are comforted by having them near your mum would prefer that.

Original poster
brazenhussy · 27/12/2011 19:40

Oh Joyce that is so lovely Grin I was smiling here reading that as I could just picture the children - good for you for turning such a sad occasion into a joyful one. They will remember that day all their lives Smile and I am sure your Gran would have been so happy with the arrangement.

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Original poster
brazenhussy · 27/12/2011 19:56

zookeeper thank you I hadnt thought of that, yes mum would probably have wanted me to do whatever comforted me most. Having said that she is probably amazed that she hasn't already been scattered as I am usually the most organised, clinical and unemotional person you will ever meet.

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Original poster
brazenhussy · 27/12/2011 20:10

Also, what about scattering some ashes and keeping some?

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MynameisnotEarl · 27/12/2011 21:05

You could keep some in a locket - there are companies that make special jewellery for this purpose.

Then you could scatter the rest. If you don't feel like doing it yourself, the crematorium will do it for you in the garden of remembrance.

zookeeper · 27/12/2011 21:10

I'm glad that helped; just imagine if you had died and your dcs wrote your post; you would want them to do whatever made them feel better. Any mum would want the same. I hope you come to a decision that you are happy with.

Original poster
brazenhussy · 27/12/2011 21:23

MynameisnootEarl - really? That would make me so happy Smile

Am off to google it now . . . .

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 27/12/2011 21:27

there was a poster on another forum years ago that had her son's ashes made into a diamond that she could wear

if it were me I think I'd scatter some and keep some as a compromise. Otherwise could you buy a rose bush in a big container and keep it in the back garden?

mummylin2495 · 27/12/2011 21:40

I have some of my gran and grandads ashes in my garden.I have a little garden plaque there and its known as grans patch.! My mum passed away on 30th oct this year but she requested to have her ashes buried in the grave next to where my sister is buried.It is your own personal choice what you do.Dont do anything until you feel ready to part with them.Or if you want to keep them by you forever do what i have done and create a peaceful place for her in your garden.

Original poster
brazenhussy · 27/12/2011 22:01

Thank you everyone so much, your replies have brought me so much comfort.

Ive found a site that sells cremation jewellery and I will definately be ordering a necklace to hold some ashes.

Your posts have brought a lot of clarity of thought and I will consider buying a rose bush too. I hadnt thought of scattering her here mainly because im in a rented house and didn't want to be in a position of leaving her behind one day. A rose bush in a pot is an excellent idea Smile

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