Firstly - my account is playing up so I'm almost certain there will be two copies of this thread posted - please ignore the double copy and if MNQ could delete it that would be great.
My Dad died 3 years ago this week when I was 24. He had cancer. He was 53. For some reason I have been up all night thinking and crying about him. I miss him so much it hurts and I don't know why I'm not over it by now. I hate that I have to go and spend time with his family from tomorrow. I know they're my family too and I love them to pieces but while it's just me and my girls I can pretend nothing has changed iyswim. Once I am around the whoe family the huge dad shaped hole appears.
Also, my late night tears and depression had me reading the thread for those who have lost their own children. It made me wonder how I dare be so miserable over a parent when people are going through such unimaginable tragedy. Which then made me think about my grandparents, both still living - without their son. Do they ever have a moment when they aren't thinking about their oldest child and only son? They seem so outwardly together but are they breaking inside? I think about how bad I feel and try to imagine multiplying that pain by infinite numbers ... and I can't. My 85 year old grandparents are coping with a pain I cannot even comprehend.
I don't know why I'm posting this - just sleep deprived and depressed.
Anyway, I'm thinking of everybody who has been bereaved at Christmas, it's a shit time. And especially those who have lost children.