A Big Ball of Christmas Death Depression

[manicinsomniac]

Firstly - my account is playing up so I'm almost certain there will be two copies of this thread posted - please ignore the double copy and if MNQ could delete it that would be great.

My Dad died 3 years ago this week when I was 24. He had cancer. He was 53. For some reason I have been up all night thinking and crying about him. I miss him so much it hurts and I don't know why I'm not over it by now. I hate that I have to go and spend time with his family from tomorrow. I know they're my family too and I love them to pieces but while it's just me and my girls I can pretend nothing has changed iyswim. Once I am around the whoe family the huge dad shaped hole appears.

Also, my late night tears and depression had me reading the thread for those who have lost their own children. It made me wonder how I dare be so miserable over a parent when people are going through such unimaginable tragedy. Which then made me think about my grandparents, both still living - without their son. Do they ever have a moment when they aren't thinking about their oldest child and only son? They seem so outwardly together but are they breaking inside? I think about how bad I feel and try to imagine multiplying that pain by infinite numbers ... and I can't. My 85 year old grandparents are coping with a pain I cannot even comprehend.

I don't know why I'm posting this - just sleep deprived and depressed.

Anyway, I'm thinking of everybody who has been bereaved at Christmas, it's a shit time. And especially those who have lost children.

manicinsomniac please don't feel you have to justify your grief. I have lost both my Dad and my baby daughter. My Dad died 9 years ago but I still miss him, his humour, his wisdom and even the occasional pig-headedness because it was all part of him. I think losing a parent is difficult because it's like having a rug pulled from under you, a person who was always there is gone. And there is no time limit on grief, particularly if you were close to your Dad and because he was so very young to die.

Of course it's worse to lose a child than it is a parent. For me, it goes against the whole proper order of things. I was supposed to see my daughter grow up, become a young woman, maybe become a Mum herself, but she didn't get that chance. My father was only 62 when he died but at least he had a life, even if he didn't get to finish a lot of the things he planned to do. BUT although the grief of losing him wasn't as sharp as losing dd, it was still terrible grief and the only silver lining is that he is in Heaven looking after dd for me.

Of course you aren't over the loss of your dad. It took me until my dad's 7th anniversary before I felt "better". It's been 15 years now and I still see my life in terms of with dad and without dad, but I am able to think about him and look at photos without getting upset.

I found Virginia Ironside's book You'll Get Over It really helpful.

Someone else's worse loss doesn't minimise yours. Be kind to yourself.

Thank you both for replying and being nice about my rambles!

Thank you both for replying and being nice about my rambles!

My dad died suddenly 11 years ago last week. He was only 60.
I don't think you can put a time on grief at all, everyone is different.
I still miss my dad each and every day, he would have loved my girls to bits, and I am still cross he never got the chance to meet them.
Be good to yourself.
My dads brother had a party in the summer for his birthday. I hated it. No one spoke about my dad and he should have been there.
Rant away.

I'm sorry Moomoomie :(

It's so much worse when nobody acknowledges them isn't it.

I'm sorry Moomoomie :(

It's so much worse when nobody acknowledges them isn't it.