How do I tell my 5 year DD that her beloved Grandma passed away?

[StrawberryTot]

My mother in law passed away at the weekend. Pretty much all family and friends have been informed but my Partner and I have not told our DD, there are a few reasons why, mainly as we just don't know what to say, where to start, how much to tell her etc as she was incredibly close to her Grandma and i don't want to put her through it as she will be devastated but also I keep crying like a blubbering wreck everytime i mention it and i can't understand why. My partner has acted as normal continued working/ shopping/ playing on x box. I also have DS (2) who also has not been told.

Any advice on how to approach this would be appreciated dearly.

Thank you x

My Grandmother passed away when I was young too and I really dont remember an awful lot about it. Explain to your DD that grandma has gone to heaven, is a star in the sky and she can always see the stars - so can see Grandma. Well, that is what I plan to tell my DC.

There are also books about bereavement available for children. Sorry cant link at the moment.

My FIL died when our kids were 5 & 2 so i know just what you're going through. They doted on their grandad and saw him almost every single day.

We told them both at a quiet moment. DD (5) was really angry and upset at the time (she said that if he hadn't gone to the hospice and fallen asleep he wouldn't have died) but DS didn't really understand.

DD had lots of up and downs in the first few weeks (especially when she saw family members) but we encouraged her to talk about him and told that it was normal to feel sad. I think that it helped that she went to the funeral and was given the special job of lighting a candle.

You might want to take a look at Winstons Wish I found it really helpful and there's loads of good advice about explaing funerals and death to children.

Big hugs to you all

I'm sure you'll get excellent ideas and advice from those books, so I just thought I'd add something that my daughters liked when their Grandad died, they were aged 3 and 5. Apparently there is a tradition in Japan that people write messages to their loved ones and then set fire to the paper and the message goes up to the person in the smoke. They did it with little drawings too. I told them this idea very soon after telling them of his death, it worked well as a distraction and as a step towards the idea that you can "keep in touch".
So sorry for your loss, love to you all.

Thank you for the advice it was most appreciated x