Missing my mum and pregnant.

[fantalemon]

Apologies in advance if this post comes across self-indulgent, I know I have lots to be grateful for. I lost my mum very suddenly and unexpectedly earlier this year. Been a generally crappy year overall (other bereavements, job losses, family fall outs) but now expecting second dc. It happened v quickly (not like first time) so almost feels like a gift. Just had first scan so now gearing up to tell people but just feel quite empty that I can't pick up the phone to tell my mum (who would have been thrilled). It just doesnt feel as special which I know is silly and I am so grateful things are going okay so far baby wise. But I worry that when s/he arrives, the sadness at not having my mum there will somehow overshadow what should be a happy occasion.

I am truly truly grateful to be having this baby but just wish this heavy sad feeling would subside. Anyone been through this and does it get easier as the pregnancy progresses?

hi fantalemum. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I don't have nothing profound to tell you nor any experience to share but I would imagine that what you're feeling is totally normal. That possibly doesn't make it any better - sorry. I would hope that your maternal hormones will kick in when eh baby is born and although you will of course feel sadness at your mum not being there, you will still rejoice in your new bundle. It must be so hard for you - you truly do have my deepest sympathy and good wishes.

Hi there
I just wanted to add a message as I totally understand where you are coming from. We have one DD and were thinking about starting on number 2, when my mother was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer in the summer. She's still battling away - for how much longer I don't know - but one of my huge sadnesses about the whole thing is having another child without her being there. I can't bear the thought of being pregnant while she is passing away but also the thought of falling pregnant and not being able to pick the phone up and tell her breaks by heart. It's horrible. I'd like to think that this feeling will get easier, but I don't think it will. All I hope for, for myself (and also for you) is that the joy of a new baby will make the pain of the loss easier to bear.

Hi
I know how you feel, I too lost my mum very suddenly last year whilst I was pregnant with my third child, first DS, who was born in April. It is hard, and whilst it is sad your mum won't be there in person to meet your new arrival, she will undoubtedly be there in spirit.

The hardest part for me was not having her as my 'first' visitor after he was born, so what I did was not have any visitors at the hospital other than my DH and DD1