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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

When Daddy can't fix it.

19 replies

mylovelycharlie · 26/10/2011 14:54

I feel so lost and I hate seeing babies at the moment because it just don't seem fair that life goes on and our life has stopped.

My Partner and I recently lost our lovely little boy Charlie (29th sep). Completely out of the blue and no explanation. He was healthy and just a happy little boy. Just angry, lost and worried about my partner.

I have a very positive nature and I always say to my partner "don't worry I will fix it" But this I just can not fix! And that is so frustrating.

My partner blames herself and I am so worried and afraid about the future. We wan't to have another child asap but is this the solution? Should we wait?

I am looking for a "12 step programme" as to how to learn how to live with this. But everyone says there is no programme it just takes time.

I have always been a great believer in math and every time my partner has been worried I have always said "this will not happen" the odds of it happening are so small. So what can I say to my partner now? It happened!

Will I ever learn to live with this? Once you have carried your baby's coffin something dies inside of you.

Sorry for everyone that has lost it is the worst thing that can ever happen.

I have decided that I want to dedicate half of my working life to help prevent this from happening again, and I will let you know once I get it all sorted.

Have a look at the video of my little boy he was just amazing and we just miss him so much

www.justgiving.com/CharlieLauenborgWatkins

Love you always

Daddy x x

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 26/10/2011 14:57

sorry for your loss - try and both talk to someone - ask FSID for services offering bereavement counselling for this specific situation.

you both need to talk thru, maybe with third party, the options now open re: another child.

SeamStitch · 26/10/2011 14:58

I think you would get the best advice on the bereavement board, they are very lovely there and, sadly, know a lot about your situation.

SeamStitch · 26/10/2011 14:58

Here is the bereavement board www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement

cestlavielife · 26/10/2011 14:59

fsid.org.uk/page.aspx?pid=311

FSID has a UK network of trained befrienders who are bereaved parents themselves. They give their time voluntarily to listen and support others.

Contact FSID?s Helpline if you'd like to be put in touch with a befriender.

If befrienders are local to you they can meet you and your family, if you wish. Alternatively, you could choose to speak on the phone, write or email rather than meet.

rhondajean · 26/10/2011 15:00

I have nothing constructive to say, just how truly sorry I am for your loss.

x

aldiwhore · 26/10/2011 15:01

You can't fix it, but you can be there for each other whilst time helps you manage it.

I agree with others that the breavement board would serve you well.

So sorry for your loss. x

worraliberty · 26/10/2011 15:01

So sorry OP that's just awful for you both Sad

OTheHugeWerewolef · 26/10/2011 15:19

So sorry to hear of your loss, OP. I'm in tears thinking of you Sad

Please look at the bereavement board - there's lots of support there - and consider bereavement counselling.

Ask at your GP or search online - many bereavement counsellors are free and lots will offer open-ended counselling to reflect the fact that there's no timetable to getting through a loss like this.

GalaxyWeaver · 26/10/2011 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duvetdayplease · 26/10/2011 15:25

Hello, I watched the video of Charlie and he looked simply beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself and your partner x

chipmonkey · 26/10/2011 15:27

Hi mylovelycharlie. I lost my baby daughter earlier this month. She was 7 weeks old. Come and join us on this thread

wicketkeeper · 26/10/2011 16:17

It's 25 years since we lost our DS. I couldn't just read and run although the bereavement section may be more help. All I can say is, no, you're right, you can't fix it. Please don't beat yourself up over that, it's not your fault.

All you can do is just be there, be as strong as you feel able - be prepared for your wife to a) not want to talk about it b) want to talk about it - and anything in between. And accept that you are also going through your own hell and may also need help and support. That help and support might come from your wife, or it might come from elsewhere - but don't be afraid to go looking for it.

I'd love to be able to say that time helps, and it does most of the time, but you never forget - and that's exactly as it should be.

PinterestQueen · 26/10/2011 16:30

You can't fix it, I wish there was a way you could. I too know from experience.

I completely agree with wicketkeeper, you never forget but will eventually be able to live again.

Be extra kind to each other and very very tolerant of each other.

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

FairyArmadillo · 26/10/2011 18:38

So sorry for your loss xx

cantpooinpeace · 26/10/2011 18:54

The pain will never leave you'll just get used to the pain and life without him eventually :( - heartbreaking. Like the others said - look after each other x

chinam · 27/10/2011 15:39

I'm so sorry. Your son was beautiful x

working9while5 · 03/11/2011 23:16

I am so sorry, your video was so happy, he was so alert and awake to the world., it is so wrong that he has been taken from you. There's nothing else to say except RIP Charlie bear.

pinkee · 07/11/2011 01:46

What a beautiful family and what love, I am so sorry that this has happened to you and rest in peace Charlie.

Noodlemacdoodle · 07/11/2011 10:02

The website achildofmine.co.luk may be helpful to you.

So, so sorry. He is beautiful. You will see him again, one day.

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