Feeling hopeless

[melliek]

I know that having one miscarriage is very comon, but two with no children at all? I am really feeling scared and angry. I just don't get it, I mean there are so many people that can spit children out 3-4 in a row with no miscarriages. What if the next time I miscarry again and what if it takes a really long time to get pregnant again because I want it to happen so badly. How do we cope with this. I just had a d&c two and a half weeks ago and part of me says to hell with it if I were to get pregnant right now I couldn't care as long as I were to get pregnant again. So many thoughts so many emotions.

melliek, I'm so sorry you have had this happen to you. I can't help on the miscarriage front as I haven't had one, but there are lots of mumsnetters who will be able to talk to you about their feelings after miscarriage.

I can totally relate to your feelings about other people being able to produce loads of children, it took me 3 years to conceive my daughter and I was so convinced that it would never happen to me.

Have you been to see a doc to see if there is a medical reason why you are miscarrying? I gather that there can be a number of reasons that can be remedied.

Big hugs to you (((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))

Hi Melliek, I'm so sorry to hear this. Have you looked at Bunny's thread?? '2 miscarriages...' I too have had 2 m/c, the last was about 3 months ago. It's desperately frustrating and I just wanted to recommend a book to you. It's by the consultant at St Mary's recurrent m/c clinic. Lesley Reagan 'when a miscarriage happens' It's very reassuring and I found it a big help. The websote for St mary's also goes into some detail. I have tried a link but it doesn't work. It's St Marys - then specialist services. One thing I have found id that there are so many of us that have had m/c's. 1, 2, 3 or more. It never gets easier and althought you expect it to happen with each pgcy, it's always a shock. I too feel that the emotions are not helping. My cycles have gone haywire. Maybe see your GP for further advice. I went to reflexologist/aromatherapist and it has helped a great deal. Don't be alone though, we're all here. That's the great thing about Mumsnet. Then when you feel ready, maybe come and join us on the trying to conceive thread. We do have a laugh and share some grt tips!! Take care. xxxxx

Just wnated to say if you feel really sad and esp lonely, could you feel you could call the m/c association?? However, I'm willing to chat by email if you'd prefer, How is your DH/P???

You guys are all great for being supportive and I thank you so much for that. It's nice to know that there are many people out there in the same boat....but to add to my first message....how do you go about day to day and not let it consume your thoughts. All I think about all day long is will I get pregnant again. Can I carry a baby will i m/c again. I am thankful that at least I can get pregnant...mind you it was only 2 months after going off of the bc pill.Does that ever effect the growth??

Melliek, I had a d&c a week ago following my second m/c. Both were detected after 12 wks when routine scans couldnt pick up a heartbeat. I have one beautiful boy so I know I can carry a baby, that is of some comfort but sometimes I am consumed by anger and resentment. It took 2 years and fertility drugs to conceive the baby I have just lost and I too look around and see women who just look at their partner and are pg once more. The day after my d&c, I read a mag article about babies born to drug addicts and I really wondered why nature/God/whatever allows these women to have children when denying me another baby. I am obsessed with being pg again and want to try as soon as I stop bleeding. PErhaps I will follow medical advice and wait a cycle but perhaps not Like you I am so desperate to be pg again. You are not alone here so Keep talking. Bunnyx

Hi again, yes i know that feeling and it comes in bursts TBH. It is obviously stronger in the beginning and as you've had 2 I'm sure it would have got a little better as the time passed by. I generall think about it alot and I know I'm desperarte to have another. My lady I go and see said I'd lost sight of the bigger picture and what was happening at the moment. I was concentrating on what had not yet happened. I had huge sleeping problems and still haven't slept through the night for about 3 months, but itr's getting better. I think you get a bosst when u start trying again and your concentrations move tot hta. When ttc for the second baby I lost, I was very obsessive and panicky. I did conceive but was so overwhelmed with worry and panick. I hope I can overcome that if I'm lucky enough to conceive again. Are you able to maybe book a night in a hotel/have a special night at home when you feel is the right time to try again?? This might help relax you too and enjoy being together after all this horrible trauma. LOLxxxx

I meant'as you've had two', you know after the first that time heals a little. Hope didn't confuse!

Well, I have been reading "miscarriage, what every woman needs to know" and from what I can gather, there is a big possibility that the causes for my m/c (both at 9.5 weeks, after the crucial 8wk heartbeat) is a problem with my auto-imune system attacking the foetus. This condition doesnt have cure so tonight I am facing the possibility that I might never be able to have another child. ~

I'm offto get drunk now.

bunny and melliek - I really feel for you both. Wish i could say something to make it better.

Bunny2 - my m/c was also at 9-10 weeks after 8 week heartbeat and I've had 1.5 full prgnancies since then (touch wood). Please don't read too much into it yet - it really is statistically most likely to be a horrible coincidence, which is why they only do full tests after 3 m/cs.

Good luck to both of you.

Buuny, pls don't say that. You JUST DON'T KNOW. here are many reasons. That is just one for that particular gestation. MY first was at this time too. Speak to your Doctor. I'll mail u when I get back. I'm going away this weekend, pending DD being better. Don't lose heart. Don't jump the gun. You have already proven you can concevive and carry to term. Sending lots of love xxxxx

Well...my first pregnancy I started to bleed at 4 months but the fetus dies at around 7 weeks. This time I was supose to be 8 1/2 weeks and he only said that it was not up to its proper size. So,,,basically they have said that until you have three m/c they will not investigate. How lovely. I don't know if there is something with my body fighting off the fetus or mabey I just can't carry a certain sex( I am hoping). It is hard when you feel like you will never carry full term.

Melliek ... I wish I could say something to make you feel better ... I know how devastating one miscarriage is - I don't know how I would cope if I had more than that ...
Stay strong ...
Sending hugs .... {{{{{}}}}}

Melliek, from what I have read, my body seems to be attacking the foetus. If a foetus dies before 6 weeks it is suuposed to be likely that a chromosonal abnormality wasd to blame. After 8 wks, the causes are likey to be different. In my case both foetuses (?) died at 9 and a half weeks so something appears to have attacked them. It took over q8 months to conceive the second one so for my body to then kill it is unbelievably ironic. I am coming to terms with possible causes and with the fact that I am killing my babies. Horrible. Keep talking

it took over 18 months ... typo

someone that I know told me about her story. Pregnant numerous times and miscarried...all within 8 weeks. Finally was able to carry one child full term(healthy), next time..m/c. Became pregnant again and was with a specialist who gave her a supository that was suppose to keep her uteras lined up until 12 weeks. No other doctors had told her about that and it had worked. I don't know if it is something worth checking into or not. I know its tough to think that we as a woman would not be able to carry a baby but the way that I see it...try and try again. The pain is no easier but sometimes the doctors are wrong in their diagnosis....so mabey just once....

Bunny, hope you are ok. I just wanted to say that Lesley's book suggests several reasons if I remember rightly for a pgcy over 8 weeks. Chromosomal was a still a factor but just not as likely. Infection from an external source was another. I will get my book out and have another look. It does suggest a common factor if the gestation is the same but if you do get your referral this will definately be established there. This is horrible but did they keep your baby at the ERPC for testing? I presume not as I'm sure you would have said so. Have you seen the consultant yet?? Have they said they will refer you because the 2 are the same gestation?
I'm going to read my book - back shortly.xxxxxx

Thanks Quacks, I am ok now, much more positive. They didnt keep the foetus, I asked them to but they said no as I havent had 3 miscarriages yet. Bloody rules. Anyway, I got my referral this morning.

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Hi Twinkie, I know I am not, I was being rather melodramatic and emotional. I'm in Bournemouth so unfortunately a referral to London is a bit problematic but so my gp has referred me for tests (hurray, he doesnt see why I need another mc first!) locally with a referral to St Marys or Kings if necessary.

Anyway, I've had friends staying the last few days and have drunk far too much, smoked a bit and had a good moan. Feel lots better for it .

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you sound lovely Twinkie! Yes it is crap that women have to go through 3 mcs before NHS intervention but there are some good doctors about. And as for the nurses, they were all so lovely to me, pay them more I say.

A friend asked me the other day if I felt guilty. I do, of course I do but I thought it was a crap question, as if she somehow thought I should feel guilty. Some people have no idea do they??