Every time I have a day off I get really depressed (every time I go out to work I feel really depressed). I have to set off to staff training in 15mins and need to stop myself crying. I just feel really desperate at the moment. I thought about things a little too much. Exactly a week before my dad died a family member launched into an attack on my partner (who I was due to marry in 2 weeks time) and a family fight ensued. I tried to keep it under wraps and stop it from affecting my dad at the time, but obviously it was devastating to him to see his children fighting and the last thing he needed. And then a week later he died. And I can't help thinking - it was the stress. Sure he would have died at some point, he was terminal, but he didn't have to die then. It was the stress that got to him. I know it might not be true, but I can't help but feeling it is - knowing what I know and having looked into all the studies on stress in relation to health, I know it wasn't good for him and was the last thing he needed right then.
Ten more minutes, got to go and get ready to set off. Hopefully can stop the tears coming by then so I won't have red eyes and people wondering when I get there.
So unhappy.