If they came back tomorrow?

[missdisorganised1]

If Mum and Dad came back tomorrow what would they notice and think?

I would be slimmer - about 12kgs.
The garden would be far less tidy, so would the house.
Their walk-in wardrobe and 2 of the three bookcases would be almost empty.
There wouldn't be a school book in sight. The AS and A2 exams are over.
They would be shocked at how their so called friends vanished just when they could have been the most help.
I hope they would think I have done my best and not be too shocked by the times I really wished I had died with them.

If my Dad came back tomorrow, he'd notice how sad I am behind my smile. He'd notice how tall my Ds has got and he would marvel at how beautiful, tall and chatty Dd is now (she was less than 19 months when he died, 4.8 now).

He'd notice that I still do Mums shopping for her.
He'd notice that I've let my house go...and that I'm still on my own and lonely.
He'd notice the note book and pen in my hands that I'd use to actually write down the tales and history of my family.
He'd notice that my arms would be locked around him and that I wasn't going to let go...

2 years, 2 weeks, 2 days and 14 hours since he went away...Lord, I miss my Dad every single day.

my Dad would notice how much I need him right now to help me decide what to do with my life

If my grandma came back tomorrow I'd say how sorry I am I didn't hold her hand at my brothers funeral. That I'm sorry I took her for granted and always asked too much. But also THANK YOU for everything cuz everything is what she did.

I'd show her her great grandson in his school uniform I'd show her I sewed the labels in how she did for me, I show her her great granddaughter finally has beautiful bunches.

I'd show her we came home, almost at last but way to late. I'd breathe in her smell and never ever let go.

If my mum came back she'd not have alzheimer's and would get to know her 3 grandchildren -they were all here before she died but we'd lost her to the alzheimer's when the youngest 2 were babies

If my Mum came back tomorrow we'd just carry on the way we did before she died. The house would be full of talk and laughter again and my Dad would switch off the radio which is all that fills the silence. If she came back tomorrow it would be DS1's greatest wish come true. And the heart would return to our family.

My mum - that I have 4 wonderful children, and I survived everything. I coped. I managed to be a motherless mother, which is no small thing.

My dad - he knew about the 4 wonderful children but he didn't know that DS3 is the image of him, that DS1 sorted himself out and got a First, that DH and I eventually did manage to get married.

If my Mum came back she would see her first grandchild nearly walking.
My Dad finishing the patio (after thirty) years
My kitchen slightly tidier
My best friend married
My brother's rabbit still a bit dopey !

If my Aunt came back tomorrow
She could meet my children - 2DS's and DD. She would have been so wonderful to them just as she was to me.
She could see that DD has her eyes, and that DS's handwriting is just like hers (its so similar its spooky)
Infact I would just give her the biggest hug in the world. I miss her so much and its been 12 years.

If my "little Nan" came back she would get to meet my two children. I would tell her I love her and that I was sorry I didn't see her much at the end. I would hope that she would tell me she knew that I did go to see her just before she died.

If my "big Nan" came back she would love to know that the baby I was carrying when she died was a longed-for great grandaughter.

If DD came back, she would see me come alive again. She would see that even though life moved on, I stood still in her absence.

If my parents came back tomorrow

Mum and me would sit at the kitchen table nattering for ages eating biscuits,
My dad would tell me he was proud of me,
They would see the sadness and bitterness behind my eyes,
They would say sorry for leaving me so young,

They would envelope me in a hug and everything would be ok again.

If my dad came back tomorrow:
I wouldn't be able to stop smiling!
He would still be as proud of me as he always was,
He would still think of me as his 'little girl' even tho I'm 44,
He would see the sorrow and heartache his sudden death caused us all, especially the manner in which he died - we did our best dad, to get you justice,
He would be so proud of his grandchildren, who have grown so much, in so many ways since their beloved Grandad died
But mostly I would feel able to cope with everything better just because my darling dad would be there to support me, guide me and take away the loneliness - I miss you dad, so much.