Mother passing away during my pregnancy

[tori33]

Not quite sure why i'm sharing this, but it somehow feels like it may help. My mother passed away very suddenly at the end of May this year whilst i was 6 months pregnant. It was totally unexpected and i have a huge amount of mixed emotions. She was mentally ill, and i was very much her carer, and so could be very difficult to cope with, but she could also be an absolute joy to be around. I have so much guilt attached to her passing, and am due to give birth to my first child in just 3 weeks. I've not been to any antenatal classes as i'm finding being around strangers almost impossible. I'm not as prepared for the birth, and the first few weeks as i would like and so feel like i've failed as a mother before i've even begun. My husband is very supportive, but very preoccupied with work, and i feel so incredibly lonely. I was hoping this would be the happiest year of my life and am instead left feeling hopeless, lonely, and frightened. I guess i'm hoping there are people out there who can say 'it does get easier', as at the moment it all feels so overwhelming.

xxx

Oh tori, I'm so sorry about this, it must be really sad for you. Yes, it does get easier eventually, but you are still very close to it.

Guilt is an entirely normal part of bereavement but if it hangs around for too long it can be a problem. (I should know). I really think you should talk to someone in rl about this, whether it is your midwife even, because you're having to deal with very strong emotions all at once and that is difficult for anyone to do by themselves.

Tori, my mum died two years ago, when I was 27 weeks pregnant. It was so sad not sharing it with her and it's still impossible for me to believe that my children won't grow up with grandparents (my father is also dead).

If it's any help, I decided to focus on the pregnancy and put off the grief (as much as possible) until after DS was born, when I got bereavement counselling. I really wanted some proper pregnancy.

You have an amazing and exciting new life coming, everything will change. At first this will be harder, as you don't have your mother to anchor you, but in time the fact that something so positive is happening will help heal your pain.

My dad passed away and I had a mc a few days later, then got pg straight away and am due in two weeks. It's such a conflict. Ive not been as prepared as I should be and even expressed to mw how I don't feel the same this time. I'm hoping things will change once he arrives, I can't even think about what things will be like if they don't.

It's been a horrible pg in some ways, and I've not enjoyed it at all.

Tori I lost my wonderful dad 5 days before my dc1 was born, there are no words for how awful it was. I hope you dc brings you joy when he/she arrives.

Tori. I went into early labour after my mum was rushed into hospital. She died 5 days after my son was born and I never got to tell her or to say goodbye.

It was a bitter sweet time