Brighton friends - not good news

[desperatehousewife]

Noddy, Mabs, RnB etc - just had to tell you that went to hopsital this afternoon and they confirmed my worst fears - that I have lost the baby and it happened over the weekend. They don't know why - just said that not enough fluid around the baby. They are going to induce me over next couple of days (can't believe what we were talking about at lunch time today) then do a post mortem to see if they can discover why this has happened at this stage.

I'm in shock, but i'm ok. Will be in contact soon. Take care.
DHW x

Dhw I am so sorry. I have mailed you this morning and my offer of help is for anyhting We are all thinking of you xx

I cannot even begin to imagine how you must be feeling DHW, so so cruel and unbelievably sad .
Thinking of you x

DHW ... If the experiences of my two friends are anything to go by, make sure you get to see & hold him or her. Perhaps take a photo.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the very best. x

So sorry to read this.

Good on you for being able to keep it together.t
Get plenty of painrelief, I had a PCA morphine drip, and gas. It made the whole ordeal slightly easier to deal with. They will probably also give you a pessary to soften the cervix if labour doesnt start. Take care of yourself, you have a very difficult time ahead, but you will get through it.x

im so sorry, i had my baby at 23 weeks not long ago, take a camera, recieving blanket, something to dress baby if you like.
these are the things i wished i had. i know you are probably not thinking practical right now, i hope the labour goes quickly and easy, giving birth to a small baby is a little easier than fullterm so don't be scared. love slinksanta xxxxxxx

I'm so sorry to hear about this, you know you are in our thoughts

We had a blanket for Tom, like slinkstah says, you may find the hospital have a camera but if they do, it could be a Polaroid one DHW and these pictures fade with time. I have the address of someone in London who transfers polaroids to black and white or colour standard photos very carefully and sensitively, he was a godsend to me.
DHW, also take something to read - magazines perhaps. You may be astonished to think this but just having something to flick through, albeit fairly mindlessly, while we waited for the drugs to kick in, did help dh and me with the wait.
I hope the hospital has a bereavement midwife and maybe also a special stillbirth suite you can access. I hope also you get someone like our wonderful midwife Elaine, who was there for us and saw us through a long night so lovingly.
I managed on valium (which helped with the anguish) and gas and air in the end. You should be offered a choice of pain relief DHW, I hope they make this clear to you.
Thinking of you all

DHW, have been thinking about you this morning. I know it isn't much comfort, but wanted to tell you that when I had to go to the Royal Sussex in August, when my pregnancy ended, I had to spend a lot of time up on level 11. Although it was hard going back to where I was induced with DD, we had complete privacy and all the midwives that dealt with us were compassionate. I did not have an induced labour in the end (as was only 12 weeks). I know you are terrifed about giving birth, but maybe in the long term this will help you come to terms with what has happened. I know the situation is different, but the women that I have come into contact with since losing our baby, who did go through induced birth, overwhelmingly feel that giving birth was the right thing for them to do.

Take care

thanks for your messages - very very kind.

I cannot even contemplate looking let alone holding or dressing it. I cannot think of it as a 'real' baby.

Is this unusual? Might I change my mind dramatically? Honestly for me, I just don't want to see anything - just want it over with and start to deal with what's happened.

Thinking of you DHW.
Here is a lovely website for anyone who has lost a baby.
\link{http://joshuasboxes.co.uk}

Majormoo and Slinkstah too, you are right. It is daunting, but with good support (like at the Royal Sussex from the sound of things) you can and do survive it. I do not regret giving birth to Tom naturally at all, as it turns out it was my only natural birth experience, and that is something only he and I shared, and a "gift" from him to me (my other two births were c-sections). For all sorts of reasons it was a blessed relief to be able to walk out of that hospital the next morning rather than have to recover from a surgical procedure.
It is not as bad as you fear it will be DHW, trust us. Someone who used to post on Mumsnet called Rosy told me the same when I was waiting for my drugs to kick in, and her assurance did help me face the experience a bit less petrified. I hope our messages are helping you just a little.

Sorry link didn't work website is www.joshuasboxes.co.uk

My friend went through this when we were both pregnant at the same time and I felt huge guilt still being pregant as she had to deal with this.

Her hospital had counsellors and also did a memorial service of some sort where you could plant a flower/tree in memory of your child. Not sure if she took photos, she doesn't really discuss it with me tbh.

xxxxxx

DHW my friend felt the same. Didn';t want to see or touch the baby. She still regrets it now twenty years on. Sorry if this upsets you but I thought it best I let you know.
At least have someone take a photo even if you can't look for a while.
I agree with others about giving birth will help you in the long run and is part of the process of letting go. Really helped me grieve my two lost ones.

Take any practical help you can get.

dhw, not wanting to look at your baby after delivery is very normal and the midwife will not force you to do anything you are not comfortable with.
What happened with us was that Elaine cleaned Tom up and wrapped him in a blanket, then in a doll's moses basket. She took photos and handprints for us and offered us the chance to look at and hold him in his basket, which we did. If we had not wanted to, he would have gone to the hospital mortuary until we reached a decision about a funeral and/or a post-mortem.
The one thing I will say is that from SANDS experience some parents who never wanted to see their baby regretted it later - and that is where the photos come in. You will always have these, whether you want to look at them now or many years later. I believe some hospitals will keep them on file for you indefinitely if you cannot face having them in the house.
All of it should be your decision, hopefully with kind and sensitive support from the midwifery team.

DHW, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I went through something similar a short time ago. I was 21 weeks pregnant at the time.

I held my daughter, named her and I would hate to think I hadn't done that now. It's the only memory I have of her.

Please make sure you talk about this to your bereavement counsellor, your gp, your dh, anyone who will listen and be supprortive.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

So sorry you are going through this. Can't say the words to express how awful this is for you.

My thoughts are with you all.

oh DHW, i saw this thread and hoped to god it wasn't you
I am so sorry... can't begin to imagine what you're going through right now.
Sending you all my love though, and hope you find the strength to get through this. I am sure you will get tons and tons of support from everyone here
x

so very very sorry. thoughts are with you. take carex

So very sorry, my prayers are with you and im sending you strength for your journey xxx

So sorry, words are inadequate. I hope you have people you love around you, and I know everyone on here will do anything they can to help.

So sorry for your loss, dhw. Cannot imagine how you must be feeling, am praying for strength for you as well.