Beloved mother died suddenly a week ago

[cantfindthewords]

I'm not a frequent internet chatter but my mother died very suddenly a week ago while on holiday with me and I am not doing very well. We were in a foreign country when it happened and have spent much of the last week trying to repatriate her. Finally arriving home this morning to the house she held together like glue is heartbreaking and my poor father (who is not in 100% health, despite being only 61) is obviously distraught. I had hoped we were resilient and were showing great strength of character in surviving the endless bureaucracy in order to bring mum home, but I now realise we were just numb and in shock. We are a small family anyway and this will mean that dad will now live on his own.

Has anyone ever been in this position where they are mourning for one parent and desperately concerned for the health and well being of the other?

There are also medical issues in relation to mum's death which make me question whether we made all the right decisions for her. Would it be better to have her here, albeit in a condition that she likely wouldn't have wanted to be in, or let her die as we did?

Many of my friends have not yet suffered the loss of a parent (I am 33) and I am absolutely lost and heartbroken beyond words. At this stage I can't see how to move forwards.

Cantfind - people say the wierdest things...either that or they ignore you because they dont know what to say!! I lost a couple of who I thought were really good friends since mum died as they just werent there for me and I cant forgive that! Whem my mum was dying people used to tell me to "enjoy the time I had left with her". I know they were trying to be kind but she was so ill there was no enjoyment to be had.......in films they sit there and hold hands, kiss, cuddle etc etc - my lovely mum was too poorly and just so not up for it. I would go into her room and hold her hand and after about a minute she would sort of ask me to leave, but in a nice way!

I am glad you bought the book but yes, maybe leave it a little while before you read it. I found it very helpful but I also found it brought everything back to the top again....I had to read it in stages otherwise it made me think too much.

Be kind to yourself honey, you KNOW you made the right decision, the best decision for your mum. It's early days but you will get there xx

I feel your loss my mother died 7 weeks ago I am trying to come to some sort of term, my mother had a stroke last August 5/8/2010 she received very quickly within 6 week left hospital after six weeks she had a massive stroke again this was so bad she was left unable to move her light leg arm and unable to talk or eat ... For 10 months we watched we thought she was getting better but she passed away on 5/9/2011 ... Tomorrow we are taking her ashes to place in river, I can't believe that she gone she was 74 ten after passing it was her birthday ... I don't know if I will ever get over her death I cry everyday I miss her very much ... Please pray for your mother where ever she is she is pain free... Talk to her, remember all good thing about her . Lastly you will see her again . Your dad is there now please take care of him that is what your mum would have wanted you to do

I lost my mum a few months ago at the age of 67. She died suddenly at home on her own. We lost dad 10 years ago and I did not at the time think my mum could live alone and would cope. But she surprised us all. With support from us and friends she managed to. Things are very different for them and it takes time to readjust but they can do it. I have been were you are as I was 31 when I lost dad and was pregnant at the time. That was hard. You have to take a day at a time and allow yourself to grieve. If people ask how you are be honest with them as they can help get you through. My heart goes out to you and all I can say is stick together with your little family like I did mine and it is amazing how much strength you can give each other and get through the bad days. take care xxx

@ can'tfindthewords regarding the things people say - unless they have been through it they have no idea what it is like. I had a friend say to meet the week my mum died "well at least you have take that to look forward to" Never have I been so gob smacked. Or " well at least you had her for 2 more years after she was very poorly" How dare people say that it hurts. I just now sympathise with people like that and realise that when it comes to there turn they will maybe look back and cringe xxxx