Everyone says it is "complicated", including the lovely, kind and experienced palliative care Consultant.
But my mum died a month ago yesterday and she was 60. It was long and drawn out (6 weeks in hospital followed by 5 weeks in the hospice) and as comfortable as the very best of modern palliative care could make it (tho still distressed and tough).
I was called given "hours to a day or two" at 2200 so 10pm - a week before she died - so the week that followed meant I spent what I could with her despite how VERY hard it was, much less time than I should have with my 4 year old though we have talked much, and she (DD) would change nothing, about the way that 'grandma' was looked after by 'mummy'. ((I hardly slept and was not at home nearly as much as I would have liked))
Having worked nights for much of my working life, family enabled me to do the nights that followed. All 7 of them. Even though I am the "failed" single mum.
Anyway, it's done now.
I am back at work after time off a lot because of mum and now running out of paid sick leave.
My aunt and sister want me to sort out mum's things.
I am barely making it through the day as a mum and remembering my own mum.
I was offered bereavement counselling and support at the same time today and I said yes please.
Is that reasonable? I am not sorting clothes, paintings, bank statements, shredding, house, plants, belongings. I just am not ready. I miss my mum and I have a lot to talk about (over a lot of time...). If the house doesn't sell for "a year or two"(solicitor) I don't mind. But there is so much to say. AIBU to want to say it or at least to tell how I feel???