Hello FAB
Just read this so I hope I'm not dredging something up for you.
My gorgeous dd2 is a sole surviving twin. Her twin died at 23 hours of hypoplastic left heart. I thought it was the saddest I would ever be. 3 weeks later my tiny surviving twin was fighting for her life with very severe bronchiolitis, the last ventilator in London on hold for her, a few days before she should even have been born.
It was hard, but I have always felt that Octavia (who died) stayed alive for Emma (middle name Hope in her memory) in the womb - I was offered by the very clever but rather cold Kypros Nikolaides a "selective fetocide" which I declined as I could have also lost the healthy twin
My tiny baby is now 15 and a very tiny bit wild. The baby box and my diary is important to all of us, and I kind of feel Emma has the personality for both of them. It was horrible, so horrible at the time, but we were always open which is very important, and I kind of feel I'm more open minded for going through it. We are lucky that Octavia died the day after their birthday (only by a few minutes) so the days are separate. It was really hard to start with. But we've always owed it to Emma to make her day special. It really really does get better with time. I'd say write about it - maybe in the form of letters to your baby who died. But please enjoy the child you have with you and cherish them.
It's so hard, but gets better. It's special to Emma that she had a twin, and I would say that the sooner you introduce the subject the better. Please CAT me if you like - I'm not hurt, upset or anything by any questions any more. Now I can look on it as a special thing Octavia did for Emma. Though there willl never be anything as sad as passing your baby between your husband and yourself as she slowly dies in your arms.
Please take care - it's hard.