I have just found out that my friend's baby has died

[darksideofthemooncup]

I have been away on holiday and have just had a call from a mutual friend to tell me that our friend's 5 month old passed away on friday. I had a text from my friend asking if I was about and I tried to call her (this was before I knew) but she hasn't replied. I cannot even begin to imagine what she is going through and I guess I just need some guidance as to how to help her.

You are absolutely right Scottishmummy

make time for your grief too,and have a cry together if need be

Right I think I should go to bed as I may have a long drive tomorrow. thank you all so much for your input, I will point her in the mn direction when appropriate. As I said before you are all amazing xx

take care.both of you

I am so sorry for your friends loss.

So sorry for your friend's loss. Some really good advice on here. I am two years down the road your friend has just joined. The most important thing you can do is just being there for her. That means different things to different people. For me I found helpful the friends who could just be with me, cry with me, let me talk and didn't shy away from my grief and pain. It is so hard for someone (especially someone who has a child) to put their own fears and pain to one side and be there for a friend in this situation. Personally I hated people bringing me flowers (and gave them to the many people who visited me when my 2 year old died!) as i didn't want flowers to remind me of the day/week he died
I agree with what scottishmummy said about the longterm as many people who are there for the short-term shock just cannot connect with how tough this is to live with longer term.

There are many people on here who have been through what your friend is going through and can help and support both her and you. The involvement of the police and the necessary procedures which have to happen in this situation are awfully shocking. Hugs and love to you and your friend xxx

Quick update: I have been to see her which was very very hard but I am very glad I did. They won't know the cause of death until the post mortem has been carried out later this week. Thank you all again for your help, I know I am in this for the long haul so I may have to call on you all again. Thank you so much Peterpansmum for sharing your story with me, I think she and her family are finding the police involvement very hard so it was reassuring for them to know that it is standard procedure.

I'm glad you went to see her :) It's good you're in it for the long haul - she will need you. I hope they do the PM soon and she doesn't have to wait too long. There really just aren't the words... :(

x

Glad you went too. I know one thing my friend after nearly 3 years struggles with is other people's attitudes - almost like she should be "over it" 2 children on. They're scared to mention his name, or say her younger children look like him etc.

Is there anything practical you can do to help? What about with the funeral and wake etc? x

This is the website for the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths which you might want to look at.

How awful. My nephew and his gf lost their 10 day old baby a week before Christmas - cot death.

Your friend is going to have some very dark days ahead - do whatever you feel you can.

I would second the awfulness of the police aspect. In my nephew's case the police made a monumental cock up on the day which was very hard to deal with. Also, due to legalities, they had to wait over a month for the funeral. However, they went to see her every day during this time which gave them great succour.

You did exactly the right thing & I'm so glad to hear you are going to be there for her x

Am glad you have been to see her and that my shared experience is of some use. If there is anything want to ask please ask on here or PM me x