Book for 3 yo DS on why daddy isn't coming back?

[HMTheQueen]

Hi All, so DS is starting to talk about DH a lot - DH died when DS was 7 months old, so DS has no memories, but we talk about DH and there are photos up around the house.

Nursery mentioned the DS was telling another little boy that Daddy is coming to visit... clearly he's not.

I've spoken to DS and told him that Daddy can't visit although he wants to. Somehow this turned into a conversation about heaven not having any doors and Daddy is locked away. Now I wonder if he'll think he's in prison

Can anyone recommend any age-appropriate books that I might be able to get to help explain it a bit better, as I am lost and don't really know where to go from here?

BTW I've gone down the heaven route as it was easiest for now, but am not hugely religious. I have plans for DS and I to chat about it when he's older - I just didn't think it would be so soon.

On another note, DS asked if we could get a new Daddy and I said we'd try to find one and he said we could just go to the shops! I suppose that's one place to look!

I am very sorry for your loss.

This book is recommended on the Winston's Wish website, which has some advice and also a reading list.

I miss you: A first look at death

I also like this one although it sneaks up on the subject as it is mostly about love and only talks about death at the end. No Matter What It's a nice book anyway- my 3 year old loves it. And this one has the same illustrator, although I haven't read it, so can't recommend it.

I wondered also whether this leaflet is any good to you. Hope that helps if even a little. Hopefully someone will be along in a minute who can help more.

If it is any help my DD tells everyone at nursery that mummy is having a baby, although clearly I am not. ARRRRG.

Thank you so much - I'll definately get one of those. I'm out of my depth as to what I should say to DS, so hopefully these books will help.

Hello HM,

yy to everything domestic says above, all of which we used with dd1, aged 2.5 upwards, following a close family member's death. We also highly rate "The Sad Book" by Michael Rosen, which is about giving permission to be sad, and is very different from the others.

You might consider getting a copy of "Muddles Puddles and Sunshine" which is a book you work through with your child, doing various activities, filling in names, memories and so on, and drawing pictures. Again, we used this with dd1 at around the age your son is now. Winston's Wish sell it, but it's also on Amazon I think.

We plan to use Muddles again with dd2, since dd1 died just before dd2 was born. I'm hoping it will help her to find her way through the strange circumstance of being bereaved of someone of whom you have no memories.

I massively recommend the Winston's Wish helpline as well, for the times when you're feeling out of your depth. They have supported and advised us through some very tricky waters. Good luck.

HMTQ My ds's daddy died when he was five. I can second the Winstons Wish sugestion and the Workbook, might i also suggest Badgers Parting Gifts. We have had the buying a new dad conversation too. My ds is now fourteen (he has special needs) His current thing is sitting with my single male friends and telling them he wants a new daddy!!!