What to tell DS

[Workieticket]

Morning all,
I don't post on here often, but pop on when I need the odd bit of advice. Today however, I need a bit more help. My dad has cancer and went donwhill quite rapidly yesterday. He is having an op later this morning in a 'last ditch effort' (docs words), but they placed great emphasis on the fact he may not make it through. I have a ds (6) and dd (3). They went to visit their grandad yesterday, just a normal visit before we realised the severity of the situation. I honestly feel like they have said goodbye, although they don't know that. I don't know what to tell ds...or whether I'm worrying for nothing and that he's too young to understand...any help greatly appreciated

Hi, firstly i hope todays op goes as well as it can.

I think its best to be as honest as possible but in simple terms and avoiding euphemisms like 'hes gone to sleep' these can be very confusing for a child and lead to ongoing anxieties.

I think honesty and being open about how sad you feel is a good thing, i know some think children should be shielded from it all, but death and grief are normal and a part of life.

I really sorry you're going through this, ive been there [though not with my dad] and it sucks.

Take care xx

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this.

How was the operation today?

My mum had cancer and battled for 2 years. In the 6 weeks before she died, I told dd1 (7) that Gran was very ill and wouldn't get better. I was so emotional and I felt that honesty was the best policy, rather than lying and saying it was something else.

I think you have to go with your gut and how how you feel you ds will react, but for me, it was the best way and made dd1 and dd2 feel included iyswim.

Thinking of you.

Thank you both for your words of wisdom

My husband has spoke to ds (as I was at hospital), trying to expain how ill grandad is, not quite sure how much he took in, but on sunday he asked 'are we going to lose grandad?' so is obviously aware of the situation, as much as he can be iyswim. Dad's op didnt go ahead, he refused to have it done as he is now very confused.

So now in a completely different ball park and seeing about getting him home & making him comfortable, but I feel I don't want ds & dd to see him this way.

Thank you