10 days ago my dear Mum died....

[StarryEyedMama]

and I'm still in shock, totally going on auto pilot at the moment, organising the funeral and looking after my father. She wasn't well and in some ways there is some peace in knowing that she isn't suffering anymore, however we really had this idea in our mind that she would never die - we thought she would just keep on going, especially my Dad who can't get his mind round the fact that he didn't die first and I'm racked with worry about him being on his own.

Wondered if anyone was going through a similar thing? I'm finding it so hard to just carry on with normal Mum stuff but I guess it gets easier day by day and once the funeral is over it will feel more real?

Also, I have no idea what on earth to wear at the funeral - totally stumped! My sister thinks we should wear something colourful but I don't want to look inappropriate.

Just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear about your Mum.

I can empathise, as my Mum died in December after struggling with cancer for 2 years.

Even though you knew your Mum was ill, it doesn't change things; I know I was in denial that my Mum would actually die, even though I saw her degenerate.

All I can say, is things do get better; less raw, and the funeral will offer some closure. Did you get a chance to discuss the funeral with your Mum in advance in terms of what she might have liked?

Thinking of you. x

oh i'm so sorry for your loss. Have no words of wisdom but didnt want to pass this by. I think colourful clothes would be lovely if thats what your mum would have liked. She was your mum and it doesnt matter whether others think it inappropriate - i think its a lovely idea.

Very early days,even though you can seemingly be "prepared" for someones death the finality is horrible.What can I say?The early months it feels somewhat unreal,gradually it gets "easier" in respects.It won't feel like it now.So sorry you are going through this.xxSending love and strength xx

We wernt prepared at all unfortunately, although my mother has been Ill all my life with mental health issues, memory loss due to ECT, alcoholism, eating disorders, epilepsy and becoming partially disabled in 2008 etc she struggled on, in fact the day sje died, she was due to have an appointment with a surgeon about habing a hip replacement. I didn't have what some people call a "normal" mother/daughter relationship with her, in many ways I was her carer from a young age and it took many years to come to terms with my life the way it was. I felt we were finally getting closer, after persuading and moving her and my father into a retirement complex and I had made the decision to become their main carers. Luckily my mother has always been rather sentimental/emotional and has often talked about what she wished for when she died so thankfully we are able to carry out her wishes. It's also so sad that her two estranged children will be coming yet didn't manage to make their peace with her before she passed.

It's the funeral tomorrow and I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye. my father and I went to see her today and what am awful mistake that was to make, she looked awful and her image cant be removed from my mind :(

I know exactly how you feel. My mum died 10 months ago after a very short battle with lung cancer. It was 7 weeks exactly from the date of diagnosis to the date she died, & less than a month after she had her 65th birthday. :( It will be what would of been her 66th birthday next week. :( Sometimes I still think im in a dream & will wake up & she's still here. My father is a complete non coper & has sunk into the depths of alcoholism since she has gone. His only interest is getting to his 65th birthday to get a lump sum off his pension for us girls. :( He doesnt understand, we want him not money! :( wear whatever you think she would want at the funeral. We wore black as we werent aware of any particular wishes from mum otherwise, there simply wasnt the time to discuss such things with her. She went downhill so quickly. :( I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I know exactly how you feel. :( Feel free to PM me if you have that facility set up. Sending big love & hugs to you & your family for tomorrow.

Starry eyes, will be thinking of you today.

I will be honest and say that it will be a difficult day :( I hope the sun shines, and your Mum can have a good send off.

Wish I could hold your hand.

Thinking of you today too starry eyes. I lost my mum a month ago and I fully understand what you are going though. My mum was ill too although we had recently been told that she probably had about two years. Unfortunately she had a fall which resulted in a huge blood clot. I hope the funeral helps it sink in. When I lost my dad I couldn't function until after funeral. Doing the normal stuff can be hard. You can be fine one minute but falling apart the next.