Okay, a bit of background. My beloved dad die very suddenly in November - he was actually my stepfather but he has brought me up from the age of five, so as far as he and I were concerned, he was my father. He ferried me to riding lessons, taught me how to make a perfect g&t, made the speech at my wedding.. all the important stuff. A week after he dies I found out I was pregnant. At first I didn't want the baby, I wanted to get out with mourning someone incredibly precious to me. It was also very tough because this is my first and I wanted my mum's support, but we couldn't support each other at all; grief made us all a bit broken and we had to look after ourselves rather than anyone else. But, after a week or so I realised how totally thrilled he would have and the timing was actually not a bad thing - it made me deal with my grief clear eyed and head on rather than drowning it in alcohol and I feel like I am much more 'at peace' with the situation than a lot of my family, despite the fact that I was closer to him than a lot of them as well.
My stepfather had four children before his marriage to my mum and we all get on very well - we're all at family gatherings together, we supported each other after his death - no problems at all. And we're muddling through. My mum is seeming in a much better place. Its all still absolutely shit and I miss him dreadfully, but I no longer feel completely lost.
But, last night my mum called and casually mentioned that she's giving my dad's ashes to my stepsister to scatter in her garden so 'he can be close to his grandchildren'. This has totally blindsided me - we were all supposed to be meeting up and scattering them over the cricket ground he used to play in. I just feel really hurt and really shocked. This wasn't the plan at all and I saw this as the last thing we would all do together, if you know what I mean. And doing it in someone;s garden feels so wrong, and she's so far away and I hate the idea of her house getting sold (a very real possibility) and him being left there on his own . And the comment about being close to his grandchildren stings. She knows how upset i am about the fact that he will never get to meet this one, I even considered ending the pregnancy at first because I couldn't; bear the thought of it. I don't know.. am I being unreasonable? I put the phone down on her last night, I was too upset to carry on talking, but I'm going to need to call her at some point today. I don't even know how to verbalise why I'm upset. Or if its justified