One year on - feel worse?

[neepsntatties]

Is that normal? I lost my dad a year ago in April. Very sudden, he was 64. I don't have a great relationship with my mother and I miss him so much. I have started having nightmares about it. I felt better than this 6 months ago.

Sorry to hear of your loss.

I lost my mum 7 months ago and I must say I seem to find it harder as more time goes on.......am sure it is totally normal!! I miss my mum so very much and I find as time goes by I feel more resentful that she isnt here, I feel very bitter when I see old ladies walking about wondering why she isnt one of them or how come they get to be older than she was, really random thoughts like that.

I also dream about her sometimes but in my dreams she is always ill and dying, never healthy as I want to remember her.

Its early days for us both so be kind to yourself xx

After my sister died I think I was in shock - it took me at least six months to really feel that she had gone. I certainly felt worse about it a year after her death. And I'm not sure that I wanted to feel better at that point - it felt like a betrayal, that I was letting her slip away.

It's now 2 and a half years, and I think that I'm starting to feel less sad.

I think that it's tempting to think that you have a year of mourning, and that's that - somehow you'll feel better because an arbitrary length of time has passed. But a year is no time at all. So look after yourself, and don't feel that you should 'be getting over it' now.

There is no time limit though on when you should start to feel better.

I dont think that you ever get over it tbh. And of course there is always stuff that reminds you isnt there. Unavoidable.

Just go with it, really, its normal and natural to feel sad and miss them. No one will say to you "jeez your going on a bit" because every one in the world understands as we have all lost some one special to us in our lives.

Be gentle on your self, its ok you know.

Thank you. I have three brothers and two of them say they are fine now and it's been a long time etc. The other talks about him more. I feel a big hole in my life, especially as my mum is so difficult. I also just had a baby and feel so sad that he won't meet her. Plus I have no one to get advice from now.

I don't think you can put a time limit on it.

dp died 9 months ago and I am feeling worse recently than in the beginning.Its the small reminders...

Sending you a massive hug.

Do you want to talk about your lovely Dad???

I am so sorry to read about all your losses. Mavis I can't imagine how hard it must be to have lost your dp.

My dad was a character. Liked a dram of whiskey and putting the world to rights. He was a teacher like me so I could always talk to him about work and he got it. Would also talk to him when my mum was acting up. I can't talk to her about anything sadly. It's funny how you never stop needing your parents!

I hope you have some good support Mavis.

neeps,am fine:) Sometimes find it helps talking about loved one as often people avoid it like the plague!!Your dad sounds like a real character right enough!!!setting the world to rights and stuff good on him:)Nowt like a good old chinwag:

Hi neeps so sorry to hear you lost your lovely dad. I lost min in April 2009, so coming up 2 years. The first anniversary is very hard, I remember being such a mess this time last year, so yes, I think feeling worse is normal.

Like you I had a fantastically close relationship with my Dad, and not a great one with my mother who has always been over emotional and needy. Dad was there for me. It leaves a huge hole in your heart, I have no advice really, but can offer my hand as I am walking the same path.

My Dad was only 65 and died suddenly so similar to your situation.

((hugs))

Sorry you lost your dad too. They should have had another 20 years. I wasn't prepared for it at all. The anniversary will be two weeks time.

I find it hard to accept that I can't talk to him. This sounds daft but sometimes I am cross with him for not haunting me a bit!

Neeps I had to laugh at that a little, I felt exactly the same. I was so lost that I no longer had his wise counsel. Still am. I bought books about the afterlife and visited a spiritualist church as I was desperate to contact him. That is all part of the process love, eventually this longing for him you are feeling now will fade.

Did you get anything out of the spiritualist church? I nearly saw someone after dad died but decided it wasn't
the best time. Anyway my dad is too lazy to do any contacting from beyond the grave!

Absolutely nothing. They did have a message for me but it was from a woman and it didn't really mean anything. I was just yearning for my Dad so much. I also considered seeing someone privately, but my Dad was such a cynic I know he's be telling me it's all a pile of bollocks

I lost DH one year ago this month - I have felt worse as time wore on. Mostly because I think you expect to feel better. I don't feel sadder - just more alone. I have realised that my life is now that of a widow not a wife. Even though our life was tough - incredibly tough - it is still very very hard