ECTOPIC pregnancy! in desperate need of support...

[catherine1985]

I found out on the 22nd of January that I was expecting another baby! Despite catching on the pill so a complete shock! We were ecstatic! I saw a doctor and described pain in my left side asking if there was any possibly it could be ectopic was told not to worry, started bleeding around the 1st of feb and had to go back and forth the hospital every other day for 10 days to have blood tests to check my hormone levels which continually rose and fell during the 10 days until eventually on the 11th day after 5 blood tests and 2 scans the ectopic pregnancy was finally discovered! I had surgery to remove the pregnancy and my left fallopian tube, after surgery the surgeon told me the tube had started to bleed and I was incredibly lucky to be alive! I know I am and I'm so grateful but I also feel like I'm falling apart, I'm in constant pain in my left side, I haven't been able to get a doctors appointment simply told to talk to them over the phone, I have some really dark times and I'm in desperate need of seeing a counsellor but the doctor told me she thinks I should talk to the health visitor? I don't want to tell my health visitor how I'm feeling (I have an 11 month old daughter) I don't want anyone to think I don't appreciate my beautiful little girl or the fact that I'm still alive, I'm very grateful, but I can't stop thinking of the pain I'm in, the baby I lost and am terrified that I might not be able to have another, I can't see a way out of how I'm feeling now and I desperately need some help!

Sorry to hear what happened. I had an ectopic, internal bleeding and a fallopian tube was removed. I went on to have a child and had no problems conceiving. Keep on at the doctor for an appointment. They might not have one for the same day but they must see you at some point. I'm not sure what the pain in the left hand side is. If it comes and goes and is a strange feeling it might be adhesions where things stick together and come apart. I can't remember how painful it was, only the strange feeling. I had a big scar right across the bikini line, longer than the subsequent caesarian scar, and that was painful but on the whole quite numb. Tell your doctor you're in pain and you want to see someone. Ask if you can see a counsellor. Maybe check yellow pages to see if you can speak to someone. It's still early days. Talk to friends and maybe see if you can also talk to someone that's gone through the same. Take care of yourself. I didn't cry for what I'd lost but it came out if different ways over the following year and looking back I did feel a loss.

I am so very very sorry.

Please do visit the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust site. They were an absolute lifeline for me several years back. They have message board - lots of people who know exactly what you're going through.

Be gentle with yourself.