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Bereavement

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I'm struggling today with Dad dying

5 replies

oneofsuesylvesterscheerios · 22/03/2011 08:54

my dad has had a progressive muscle wasting disease for the last 15 months; it hasn't been diagnosed but it's presenting very much like motor neurone disease without the deterioration of his throat muscles. We're not hopeful of a diagnosis now so we won't know what caused it but it's clear that dad is approaching the last stages now.

He's in a nursing home, very little mobility at all, losing strength in his chest and torso, so finding it hard to stay seated in his wheelchair, constantly battling with chest infections. Up until a week or so ago he could still operate his elec wheelchair and operate the remote control on his tv but this is now proving impossible. These things were his last efforts at independence and he is understandably very low. Mentally he is completely compus mentus and it is absolutely awful seeing this capable, positive and upbeat man slipping away in such a way. He brought my brother and me up on his own when mum died and he has been an inspiration.

We knew this stage would come but it's heartbreaking to see him having to accept that he can no longer do anything for himself. He's very tired and losing his spirit now. We've been told that the chest infections will probably be what kills him; it all depends now how much fight he has left.

I'm off work today, can't face anyone and need to spend the morning crying or I think I'll lose it completely. He's always been so positive and has never once complained about this terrible condition. It's awful.

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 22/03/2011 09:02

What a horrible time for you - but how lucky are you to have such an amazing Dad.

All you can do is try and hold in your own feelings when you're with him, and support him through these final stages of his life. I hope you've got family and friends around to support you.

I had the best Dad in the world - but yours sounds like a close second. Smile

rachelkarengreene · 22/03/2011 11:40

Your Dad sounds wonderful. Tell him all the things you want him to hear now, don't wait. I'm so sorry you are going through this, try to be strong.

flickor · 22/03/2011 22:58

I have been there and its horrible - my Mum died a month ago from cancer.

Your dad is still there and just keep holding on to that thought. Spend all the time you can with him. Talk to him. All I know is that now when I am grieving the time I spent with Mum is helping me.

Hugs

oneofsuesylvesterscheerios · 25/03/2011 20:36

thank you. I'm sorry for your loss flickor and thanks for kinds words other posters. X
I'm finding it hard trying to imagine how dad must be feeling, knowing that he's just going to get worse and that's he's going to die... And that it's likely to be a horrible way to go ( not that any other awful terminal condition is any better). But the nurses at his home said tk me that they are sure hes started to have trouble swallowing. When they ruled out MND we thought he might be spared the throat problems that most MND sufferers have - and what people are most frightened of) but now it's looking that our worst fears may be realised.

I want to be able to tell dad that it's 'ok' to have rest now, in case he's still fighting it for me dh and my brother.if he still wants to carry on going for himself, that's different. It sounds so awful saying that but I hate to see him suffer and know it will just get worse.

OP posts:
BarkingHarriet · 28/03/2011 22:14

Cheerio, my Dad died two weeks ago - ours was not as prolonged as yours, he had a heart attack, two weeks later had a stroke, followed by another heart attack two weeks after that.

I feel so lucky that I was able to see him after the stroke, to tell him how much I loved him and how grateful I was for him bring such a lovely Dad. So many people lose loved ones suddenly, in a road accident or something, and I got the chance to say things that others don't.

It's really really horrible losing your Dad but I'm so glad I got to say goodbye.

Thinking of you x

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