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funeral service

64 replies

EdgarAleNPie · 21/03/2011 19:58

we are putting together a service for DS.

we don't do God, although we're not totally adverse to any mention - so what we're thinking in terms of elements -

Eulogy (my Dad has volunteered)
poems this one 'On a Train' by Wendy Cope

anything more appropriate for a childs funeral? something a bit funnier?
song - All Things Bright & Beautiful

i was going to ask everyone to wear bright or better still flowery clothing because ds loved flowers and colour.

what more should we be thinking about?

OP posts:
RedLentil · 21/03/2011 21:41

Sorry, I hadn't realised the poem was so long ...
The balloons are a wonderful idea.

catinthehat2 · 21/03/2011 21:45

Can you have a photo of him at the front during the funeral? Not sure that's acceptable, apologies if not. Sometimes just the box is too hard.

corblimeymadam · 21/03/2011 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northernlurker · 21/03/2011 21:56

I think the In the Night Garden is a good idea. It's a lovely tune and it's a safe and wonderful place.
I'm so sorry you have to do this.

ThisIsANiceCage · 21/03/2011 21:59

The House at Pooh Corner is available as an audiobook, read by Stephen Fry and Judi Dench.

In case you think it might be too choking to get through on the day. Sad

smokinaces · 21/03/2011 22:24

Edgar, my friends little boy is in a crem, but its a children's crem - each little spot it covered by a large stone mushroom where there are little plaques saying their names. Its beautiful.

In The Night Garden sounds like a beautiful idea.

smokinaces · 21/03/2011 22:26

and other friend had a photo of their little boy on the front of the order of service - and also a large one at the front of the Crem. They also asked everyone to wear red, which we all did.

oneofsuesylvesterscheerios · 21/03/2011 22:30

The Night Garden song is lovely and may well raise a smile, which would be very uplifting.

Alternatively, what about the Goodnight song from CBeebies? Might be too, too heartbreaking, but is also a lovely metaphor: "It's the end of a lovely day..."

Sorry if this is no help. I hope you can find something that does your ds justice and reflects the joy he brought.

nulgirl · 21/03/2011 22:38

My friends 2 year old dd died last year and they had 'keep me travelling along with you' and 'all things bright and beautiful'. At the service there were blown-up photos of her dd with all the important people in her life. We released balloons afterwards. Her dd's ashes are buried under a tree that they had planted and we put crystals on the tree so that it sparkles and glimmers in the sun.

So sorry that you are having to face this. Thinking of you and your family.

ConnorTraceptive · 21/03/2011 22:39

One more step along the world I go is a lovely song. I hears it at a funeral service recently and it was very fitting

I'm so sorry you are going through this

SevenAgainstThebes · 21/03/2011 22:45

This reply has been deleted

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peterpansmum · 21/03/2011 22:53

Evening Edgar,
We asked people to wear colour - no black and encouraged families to come as families (if that suited them) so that my 4 yr old ds1 had his friends there to support him. Also I gave some friends (who wanted to help) my memory stick full of photos and they printed out loads of them and they (with a little help from us) put together a display board of photos and pictures drawn by his nursery friends.
We had a book where people could write their memories and got a few friends to start it before the funeral so folks got the theme of writing happy memories rather than just it's sad/awful/tragic,etc'

We had paper and crayons/pens so the children who did attend could draw Gregor a picture.
On the sheet we had printed for the crem service we had the following printed 'We cannot judge a biography by it's length, by the number of pages in it, we must judge by the richness of the contents ... Sometimes the 'unfinished' are among the most beautiful symphonies'
I hope some of this helps you in some tiny way, love and hugs to you xxxx

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 22/03/2011 13:15

"Keep me Travelling along with you" and "Lord of the Dance" are lovely!! I like the idea of a memory book too, something that can make you smile in years to come.

I am so sorry for you all, no-one should have to do this.

Sending lots of love and strength to you xxx

mappandlucia · 22/03/2011 13:25

I can recall seeing pictures of a young person's funeral in our local paper. Her coffin had been decorated with the multi-coloured hand prints of her loved ones; I thought it a lovely idea.

So sad to read of your loss

EarthMotherImNot · 22/03/2011 13:46

May I second the humanist ceremony idea. When MIL died last month we were at a loss as she wasn't a church goer. The undertaker suggested we may like a humanist ceremony and we are so pleased we did.

The man taking the ceremony came out and spoke to each of us gleaning precious memories of MIL's life which he incorporated into the service. He then sent us a copy of this so we have it forever.

He also told us that humanism celebrates life rather than dwell on the sadness and death side of it.

So very sorry for your loss.

Jammygal · 22/03/2011 14:37

Have you thought of someone taking a few photo's of the day - strange I know but it will help dd in the future when she asks questions about her brother.

What about some of ds's fav foods for afterwards...so everyone can share some of his favourite dishes......

all my love to you hun.....xxxxxxx

missmehalia · 22/03/2011 14:45

This is the saddest thing I've read today. My eyes are spilling over. I cannot imagine what this is like for you.

All the suggestions on here are good ones. I particularly thought the suggestion about the audio book was a good one, reading aloud at a child's funeral could be much harder than it may seem beforehand. The paper flowers sound amazing, and maybe you could keep some afterwards - a balloon release? Those night light lanterns are good too, if you want to do something privately after it's all over in the evening. You can write you own messages on it before you send it up.

Pick all the songs that he liked, this sounds as if the celebration of his life needs to show what he meant to you, and also the things that meant something to him while he was here.

I'm in bits for you.

Figgyrolls · 22/03/2011 15:13

I wanted to get back to you just in case you have never read No Matter What;

Small was feeling grim and dark.
Playing toss and fling ans squash,
yell and scream and band and crash.
break and snap and bash and batter....
"Good grief," said Large.
"What is the matter?"
Small said,
"I'm a grim and grumpy little Small
and nobody loves me at all."
"Oh Small," said Large. "Grumpy or not,
I'll always love you no matter what."
Small said, "If I was a grizzly bear,
would you still love me,
would you care?"
"Of course," said Large,
"I'll always love you no matter what."
Small said, "But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?"
"Of course," said Large, "bug or not, I'll always love you no matter what."
"No matter what?" said Small and smiled.
"What if I was a crocodile?"
Large said, "I'd hug you close and tight, and tuck you up in bed each night."
"Does love wear out," said Small, "does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?"
"Oh help," said Large, "I'm not that clever, I just know I'll lov eyou for ever."
Small said, "But what about when we're dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?"
Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night,
at the moon in the dark
and the stars shining bright.
"Small, look at the stars-
how they shine and glow,
but some of those stars died
a long time ago."
"Still they shine in the evening skies
love, like starlight, never dies."

As I say, if you have never read it (although I know it is quite often mentioned on mn) I wanted to share it with you. x

Northernlurker · 22/03/2011 15:56

I didn't know 'no matter what' - in bits here now!

Figgyrolls · 22/03/2011 15:58

Sorry NL, I struggle to read it to dd and it is her favourite book Sad

mustdash · 22/03/2011 16:11

No Matter What is a favourite in this house, and even if you don't use it for the funeral, it might be a lovely thing to share with your DDs regularly, as a special reminder. (sorry I've not worded that very well, I hope you understand.)

I'd also second Barmbrack's suggested poem. We had it at my Mum's funeral recently, but I think it perhaps even more appropriate in this case.

So very sorry you are going through this.

EdgarAleNPie · 22/03/2011 18:47

i have been thinking about 'I like it When'

(you know the book with the penguins)

because it covers all the things we did together.

this has some of the text here

we saw the funeral director and talked through some details - we're looking into a humanist minister - has anyone done a more DIy job?

i suppose it might seem easy but not actually be that easy to keep things flowing. all the people i would want to speak will probably be crying lots.

OP posts:
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 22/03/2011 19:25

Evening Edgar xxx

I love that book, it is very evocative.

What do you mean about a more DIY job? Do you mean doing the service yourself, or making all of the arrangements yourself?

Figgyrolls · 22/03/2011 19:49

That sounds like a really lovely book

thinking of you lotsx

soangryIcouldspit · 22/03/2011 19:54

I cried when I read about Christopher Robin and his Bear.. it is beautiful.

I went to a funeral of a young person once where they played the "Rainbow Connection". Here is a version by Sarah MacLachlan:

I think it's a nice "non-Godlike" way to think that there's Something More in a non-religious sense, somewhere like that place on the hill where your ds will always be playing that is full of colour, like he liked.

I am so sorry that you have to plan this for your boy.

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