How to support a friend who has lost a child

[Troubledsoul]

One of my closest friends gave birth yesterday at full-term, but the baby boy was tragicaly stillborn. She sent a text this morning letting us know but requesting that we don't respond to the text or send sympathy cards at this stage as they need time to come to terms with it. Obviously my heart is breaking for her and her DH, and I want to do what's best for her. Does anyone have any advice as to how I can help her? I was thinking about sending a memory candle of some sort - would this be appropriate?

I would listen to her request and not respond in any way yet.

Wait a few days and then my feeling (as someone who lost a child at 15 months) would be to not send something that is trying to 'make it better' (if you know what I mean) but something that tells your friend you are there when she needs you.

It may sound feeble but a text saying something like 'thinking of you and sending all my love and hugs' can be all that is needed. I know you probably want to do more, but to be honest there's nothing anyone can do which will truly 'help' so just letting her know you're there without requiring a response is probably as good as you can get at the moment.

I feel for you and your friend. x

Oh no sorry to hear this, the poor woman. When I had a late loss I texted everyone telling them not to call me but people did text and write. You have to respect her wishes. Do you know any of her family? If you know her mum then in a week or two you could contact her Mum (send her sympathy to her as grandmother as well of course) and ask whether she thinks it is the right time to perhaps write a letter. Agree with NoWittyName - do not say anything that starts with 'at least' or the suggestion that there is anything positive to look forward to or anything - her world as she knows it has ended.

I did find the thinking of you texts really supportive and eventually one of my friends cracked and rang me (after a couple of weeks I think this was) and I was grateful because honestly I would not have felt able to actually dial her number and speak off my own bat.

I would really just give her time so she can focus on what she needs to do right now.

Thanks for your messages. I've just emailed her sister and I'm going to write a card/letter and give it to her so that when she feels it's the right time she can pass it on.

Mark the date in your diary and make sure that you send her a card next year. One of those plain ones that can be for anything.

It will mean so much to her that you have not forgotten 1yr on. In the card, just tell her that you are thinking of her on this day etc.

I know that's no help for now but it really will make a huge difference to her next year.