Don't know if this is even the right place.

[Smurfgirl]

My friend and housemate Claire died yesterday and I feel all muddled up. I only knew her for 5 weeks but I lived with her so I got to know her quickly does that make sense?

I feel bad that I never spent as much time with her as I could of. I wish I had texted her the weekend she spent at home before she had the crash. I wish I knew more about her. I have cried so much these past few weeks and now even though I am so sad I haven't got that many tears.

I can't believe that this was it for Claire. That she gets nothing more, that she will never do all the stuff I do again. It all just feels so weird and I don't know what to do. I didn't know her for that long so I know my grief is nothing compared to her families, its just. I miss my friend and its not fair.

I followed your thread

It isn't fair you are totally right

You are as entitled to miss her and grieve for her as anyone .. and over time it will hurt less

I don't know what to say, SG - it's horrible when someone you know dies suddenly, however well you knew them.

Several people in my year at school died when I was at school - I knew one well as he was a classmate, but the other two weren't as close. It's the "it's not fair" that I found the hardest to deal with, definitely. And the what ifs. It's horrible when someone so young dies - none of the usual "he had a good long life" type platitudes are dragged out for the occasion, because they didn't and it's just not fair they've gone.

There's no set way to feel after someone dies - however well you knew them. Don't blame yourself for not getting to know her better - you couldn't have foreseen what was going to happen

It's just horribly, horribly sad. I know what's helped me when I've lost people is to look at my relationships with other people, friends and family, and work out how I can "do better" - are there phonecalls I've been putting off, letters/emails I've been meaning to write, people I've wanted to visit, etc. It doesn't make it any less sad, but it eases it a bit.

Hope that's helped you a little bit - have been thinking of you x x x

Message withdrawn

Thanks. Me and another housemate and Claire's friend from child-branch have got really close so I have a wonderful support system and we talk about her a lot.

I just feel like there is so much left unsaid and undone. I always thought there would be so much time and there wasn't.

I am still in my PJs at nearly 2pm and I am being a total slob but just for today I don't want to care. My boyfriend and some mates are going out tonight and I feel bad not going but the last time I went to the Piper (club) I was with Claire.

We are all student nurses and I know I am a bit scared about going into a hospital now, and my first placement (starts in just over a week) is at the hospital Claire died in.

I am sorry for ranting I just don't have anyone else to tell.

Hi smurfy, good thing you are getting your thoughts down here, just ramble, say what you feel and pour your heart out.
There is no fear of upsetting any one on here, we are good at listening.
x