DD very upset- Not sure how to handle it

[BrigitBigKnickers]

Have reposted this here with the hope of more resposes.

DDs Great Grandmother (my granny) died today. She was 92 and had had senile dementia for a long time. She has been in hospital for the past month and has been hanging by a thread for two weeks. It's been so sad seeing her waste away- I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. My poor mum, not in the best of health, has been there every day and to be honest it's such a relief that she is finally at peace.

We have been to see her quite a few times at the hospital (although to be honest not sure she knew who we were or that we were even there). Both DH and I have been gently preparing both DDs for the inevitable.

My Dad phoned a short while ago and told me. I told the DDs as gently as I could. DD2(12) seemed sad but not surprised and showed concern for my mum (her granny)but DD 1 (14) seemed utterly horrified as if it was the last thing she expected.

She has shouted and ranted at me saying how could I just tell her that and is in floods of tears.

Have been up several times to talk to her but she screams for me to go away.

I seriously don't know how to handle it?
Any advice?

When I was that age it REALLY dawned on me about people dying and it being forever. It used to make me quite anxious. There is not much you CAN do probably. Let her be to process the information and then maybe plan to do something nice in memory of your Granny. Remind her that she lived to a ripe old age.

I used to calm myself by thinking about the year 2000 and how positively ANCIENT I would be then - 32 That makes me smile a bit now....

And I'm sorry about your loss. Like you said, maybe a blessing but hard on your mum and you all the same.

I am so sorry , your dd is maybe off that age when we think we are invincible and is now having to realise that not only is her granny not but that it means other people aren't as well .

You are doing all you can and I am sure she will calm soon (ish) and let you hug her and make her feel better but for now is cross and grumpy in only the way a teenager can be .

Try to focus on the fact that she's not angry with you she's angry with life.

Is this her first experience of bereavement? If so she probably doesn't know how to handle the emotions or realise that they become manageable in time.

I'm not sure that there's an awful lot we can say to our 14 year old and get right. I would just keep popping back up now and then and be ready to give her hugs when she's ready to accept them.

I'd also have a look for websites to help teenagers cope with bereavement and let her look at them when she feels ready.

Don't forget to allow yourself time to be upset too. It's still a loss even if it's also a release.